Strip Tease

About a week ago at CVS:

CVS: Your insurance company will not cover this prescription. They will cover six strips a day and your son’s prescription is written for ten strips per day. Your doctor needs to provide what is called a prior authorization form. That will allow your son to have coverage for ten strips per day.

BIGFOOT: Oh. Hmmm. Well, while we wait for that authorization, maybe could I pick up the six per day that are covered, and then I’ll pick the rest up later on?

CVS: Actually, no, because it isn’t safe for your son to use a prescription in a way other than how his doctor ordered it.

BIGFOOT: Oh, but these are test strips. For testing blood sugar. He has diabetes.

CVS: We can only dispense a prescription the way the physician has written it.

BFOOT: But it’s written that he should test ten times a day, so wouldn’t it be closer to the doctor’s order to test six times instead of zero times?

CVS: No. It is not considered safe to use a prescription in a way other than how it was prescribed by a medical doctor.

BF: Seeeeriously?

CVS: Right. We can’t release any of the strips to you until your son’s doctor rewrites the prescription.

BF: So we get zero?

CVS: Right.

BF: Really zero—zero strips?

CVS: Yes, but we will text you as soon as we’ve heard from your doctor.





ENDO: All of our kids on pumps get approved for ten test strips a day. My office already sent the authorization form to your pharmacy. This happens all of the time. This will be no problem.

BF: Yay!

At CVS a few days later…

BF SPOUSE: Hi! I think my son’s prescription for test strips must be ready for pick up.

CVS: Name? Date of birth, just month and day? (Clackety clackety clack.) No. There’s nothing here in terms of test strips. But the Flonase is ready. And I can have the vitamin D ready in fifteen minutes.

BF SPOUSE: Our son’s endocrinologist sent over the prior authorization for his test strips a few days ago.

CVS: Oh, yes, we got that prior authorization form back from the doctor. But the insurance company is refusing to cover the strips because strips are available over the counter.


CVS: Huh. But they were always over the counter, and they’ve always covered them before, so this is dumb.

BF SPOUSE: So what do we do to get the strips?

CVS: I will take care of it and we will text you as soon as it’s ready.

BF SPOUSE: I will go buy pepper jack cheese and offer to make nachos for my sad wife. Good day.


In my current ungrateful, knocked-down frame of mind, I have questions:

Is ten strips is too many, OR is any amount too many? JUST CHOOSE.

And this: it is September, so we used up our deductible eons ago. You have been paying glorious sums monthly for the same things over and over and over again. Is your switch-rules-up time January or all of the time?

Please settle into an internal logic of your own choosing. Like test strips, Vitamin D and Flonase are also available OTC. WTF.

Apology gifts for anguish caused could be six million dollars, Smartwool over-the-kneesocks, or one of those caramel apples covered in layers of chocolate and nuts.

DAYS-LATER: Update for future me.

BCBS said it was “a glitch in their system.” They took care of the glitch within 12 hours and we are covered for 300 strips/month for a jackpot price of $3. YAY.

I love how when BCBS makes a mistake, they own up to it and fix it immediately.

Meanwhile, poor CVS was just following its own policies/probably FDA rules.

Bigfoot say other thing

Oops. Bigfoot delete Facebook page. Try this again.

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