Return of the F. Doughnut

peep

My knickers would not be in this twist if the reward had been Cadbury Mini Eggs.

Bubs’s first endocrinologist famous (this family-famous) line re diabetes = “If you want to eat a doughnut, eat a fucking doughnut.” Doughnuts not really Bigfoot bag—Cinnabon maybe?—so always seemed more sparkle-crass* turn of phrase than specific instruction.

(*Maybe delight make more sense if imagine statement made w. southern accent + listener zero knowledge of glycemic index/exogenous insulin idiosyncrasies.)

Three point five years later, arrive @fucking doughnut! Not sure what to make of.

1. My kids are Bubs was given Peep doughnuts as a reward for PARCC testing. (Jack, munchkins.)

2. Bubs told his teacher, “No thanks, I can’t eat gluten.”

3. She said, “Okay.”

4. Another teacher chimed in with, “Don’t you want to just try it? All that will happen is you’ll get a stomach ache.”

Bigfoot initial internal rage response =

1. Why did no one tell me they would be serving f. doughnuts? I should at least have been given the opportunity to provide gluten free f. doughnuts.

tie with

2. What the hell, teacher in #4?

Bigfoot second internal response =

The school district policy is—and no one cares!—that teachers can not use food as a reward.

relevant

Bigfoot third internal r =

So I guess I’m just glad he can’t eat the fucking doughnut. Celiac FTW.

Bigfoot fourth internal r =

PARCC!

Fifth =

Is the Peep a decoration on top or is it a doughnut-shaped Peep or is a doughnut with a pudding-a-fied Peep filling?

Sixth =

It’s good for kids to learn to fend for themselves in our complicated, callous, beautiful, flawed world, so…I guess I don’t care.

Seventh =

In the same document, there is a policy against vaping. Could I convince B to enter the next PARCC vaping

Eight =

Stupid PARCC. Stupid doughnut. Stupid diabetes. And stupid celiac for making yourself seem like a boon. Sort of.

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16 responses to “Return of the F. Doughnut

  1. Policies are not laws. They are not legally enforceable, and are often only selectively enforced when and if violation of said policy may lead to a problem. (I remember the librarian in my elementary exempting herself from the “no-gum-chewing” policy because the gum would help her stop smoking).

    People are A-holes.

    I was going to say that it was hockey coach Jim Schoenfeld who coined the term “fucking doughnut”, but then I went to the videotape (https://youtu.be/XXpcb5aTnPk) and realized that, though profanities were used, they were descriptive of the referee and not the doughnut. Oh well…. there goes my comment.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. All around – poor Bubs. I hate food rewards too. I have brought it up as a topic of discussion at school a few times and all the other teachers think I’m a spoilsport.

    I admit I used to have a prize box with candy in it (among other prizes) before I had children. I got rid of it for “experiential prizes” a long time ago and the kids love them.

    Like

  3. Pam

    I’m looking forward to your next post about nailing the nutrition policy to the door of the school.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Oh man. Why does this keep happening? I don’t like to toss around the F word, but maybe someone needs to be called fat. Sorry, I’m vindictive. And tired. And bitter. And sick of Celiac’s. Is it too early to feed him lines to shut them the fuck up? Sorry, I’m not helping. 😦

    Liked by 2 people

  5. skchrisman

    “All that will happen is you’ll get a stomach ache.” OMG. OHMYGAWD! I would be furious. I’m sure Bubs handled this with grace, and I hope you do go nail the policy on the door of the school, or better yet, the forehead of the teacher.

    Liked by 1 person

    • He said he assumed they were being sarcastic and making a joke. But I still think it’s mean. Like even WE wouldn’t joke with him like that, and we are the meanest, most sarcastic people I know.

      Like

  6. #1. ugh. I have such a rant that I can’t even subject you to it here. LET’S WALK!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. AYFuuuuuuccckiiiingggggggKM

    Like

  8. Pingback: Oh Sheet | Bigfoot Child Have Diabetes

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