Courage. I have now listened to myself on the Lorraine and Bennet show. I made these notes for when I get to travel back in time and do it over again.
It sounds appropriately relaxed and congenial when you say their names. Say Lorraine and/or Bennet 2 – 3 times more, but not right in a row.
Don’t say nose spray say nasal spray.
Refrain from attempting to quote medical opinions/advice from thoughtful experts at Yale and/or Joslin, especially when you’re not quite clear on what you mean.
MORE MENTIONING AWARENESS OF BEING UNCOOL = MORE BETTER
When you get the part where you tell about your own diagnosis, speak honestly about how actually thrilling it was to be diagnosed, and how you immediately ordered a metallic gold, double pocket Spibelt for your future T-Slim pump and Dexcom—which you were certain you’d need momentarily—but that now nothing has happened (maybe you could say something more specific about low carb life, but tread carefully here as it is easy to sound like a douche and/or overly paleo) and the sight of the metallic gold Spibelt in the sock drawer haunts you. But not in the oooOOOoooo you have a disease way but in the ooOOOOooo hold your horses/you REALLY jumped the gun way.
You should have explained that every once in a while you eat two bananas or chocolate chips by the handful and then test your blood sugar to make sure you’ve still got the magic. If anyone listened carefully, you sounded like a low carb prig.
HARDY HAR HAR. PLAN A GENERICALLY HUMOROUS REMARK.
And you could have said be careful what you wish for, hardy har har. “What parent hasn’t wished they could have diabetes instead of their child?” you could have asked, forming an immediate a bond with any listener/parent whose heart would have grown wistful and increasingly fond of you. And you could have made a crack about the wish fairy forgetting the other half which could have been a segue into…
PROBABLY THE MAIN POINT OF YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN
AVOID THROWING CHILD UNDER THE BUS
And then you should have said that, although unimpressed by science miracles, Jack is a very kind and polite person.
DON’T BE LIKE SO WHATEVER
And when Lorraine said the part about—when Caleb was diagnosed all those years ago—TrialNet was sort of meh, and hadn’t mentioned anything about children being possibly eligible for drug trials, you should have encouraged her to sign them up now! But not in a pushy way. Figure out a way to say that in a nice way. You should have said things that made TrialNet appealing, instead of just being a big blubbery ball of who knows? And it might work.
A COCKTAIL FOR BENNET
Bitterly mention that your sister had gestational diabetes, which is what made YOU have to drink the OGTT syrup all those (two) other times before you were an actual diabetes person, so you’ve probably had to drink it by now a total of about seven times. Ask why Bennet didn’t have to drink it ever, and if he did have to drink it one day, what flavor does he think he would pick?
MOVE OVER, BACON. (THERE’S SOMETHING MEATIER.)
And you really should have mentioned this:
There is a REAL DIABETES THING HAPPENING called Bigfoot. Initially, when I read the headline, I thought it must be related to some kind of online surprise party for me. It is not. It is real things really happening.
People are amazing. From Diatribe:
“an unknown person, dubbed “Bigfoot” at the time, had hacked together a “homebrew artificial pancreas” for his son. It turns out that “Bigfoot” is type 1 dad/husband Bryan Mazlish: his pediatrician wife and eight-year-old son have been using closed-loop automation of insulin delivery for over two years or more than 30,000 hours!”