Born Without a Gut

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Oh hey, just in case you forgot, you have diabetes and need to test and know the carbs in your food and, hey, here are some mildly amusing snacks that I hope—but whatever, it’s cool—will keep you from hunting down the JoeJoes. Damn! I should have put Glucolift beside the tester.

Bigfoot no gut instinct. Equal fears, continuously blaring: I’m overprotective along with I’m not protective enough. And I’m thinking about this too much and I should spend more time exploring this, maybe in group therapy. And This is probably illegal along with but my parents were always out playing tennis, and I played with matches, and it was fine. (Note to self: hide matches.)

Very very very uncomfortable thing lately for person with no gut = (very occasional, but still) boys home & no parent 20-30 minutes. Not sure why so much distress THIS when Bigfoot/spouse happily leave boys for 1-3 hours while go out for dinner. (One time did that. Should do that more. Zero guilt.) Somehow after school sans parent seems much worse.

First time alone after school, kitchen counter note include parent phone numbers, 911, remember to test, if this BG do this, if this BG do this, XOXO, etc.

By today evolve into: no note. Instead, set up kitchen counter as maze of clues for oblivious dumdums. Tester front and center. Assorted snacks in yo face. Carbs list. No mention phone numbers, no mention remember to test, no XOXO. As if boys come home & think, “How lucky. All of these things are right where we need them. I wonder who could have put them here?”

Space where gut instinct belong, voice go up at end like question: this is still too much guidance…? Simultaneous: are you crazy? You can’t leave your kids alone.

In the interest of peer pressure, here is the link to Spare a Rose! Do you wonder how much to donate and wish you knew how much other people donated so you could figure out what is normal? It is hard to decide. It’s such a huge issue, how can you even buy a $9.99 T-shirt at the Gap or a $3.99 probiotic coconut water at community college, when right there in your consciousness are children dying from T1d? It’s true that any amount helps, and also true that any amount less than $1,000,000 feels utterly insignificant. This year I gave $5/month or $60. It’s better than nothing, and I think it’s more than I did last year. That was too much information. But that’s how I figured out how much to give and avoided avoiding the decision.

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7 responses to “Born Without a Gut

  1. Susan Alario

    Katy! Time to plan a special get-away just for you! Time to give your brain and gut a rest!! Please!!?

    Like

  2. Linda

    I would be the same were it my child and not myself who had the D. (You are entitled – BOTH of you are D!). Am the same re. decisions large & small. Can’t tell the difference….

    Like

  3. skchrisman

    Sounds to me like you are doing great! Especially with the no instructions this time.
    We were ramping up nicely on time all alone in house (no sister!) and got to about 3 hours over the past year. Today, she had no choice but to jump from 3 hours to 6 hours, checked in with me and did great. But still…lump in throat all day. Scared “I have to get home NOW” feelings. Unlocking door and catastrophizing worst case scenario. Walked in to nonchalant, “Hey mom.” J is a proven safety net, yes?

    Like

  4. Thank you for the suggested donation for Spare a Rose. I just needed someone to tell me what to do. Now I have donated and can stop feeling guilty.

    Like

  5. You = me.

    Decisions = impossible.

    I felt like I was reading my own brain. I will literally worry about two completely opposite sides of a spectrum of possibilty at the same time.

    Like

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