Agony! The endo had a medical student today.
Usually the computer screen is angled toward me when the endo pulls up the Dexcom lines and pies. We look at them together and she points out things that possibly mean things which at worst makes me feel mildly like, “Gosh, I wish I’d noticed that,” but is mainly just interesting. And helpful.
Today, the screen was angled toward the medical student as the endo explained the Dexcom, how to look for patterns, and then they started asking me questions.
ENDO: You said that sometimes the Dexcom showed a serious low, like in the 40’s, but the meter showed a minor low or no low at all, but this one, this afternoon, the Dexcom showed him at about 74 and the Verio had him at 51, so…?
BIGFOOT: Well, that’s an exception. That was because of snow shoveling [Oh! My! God! I can’t just say what I think is true…they’re looking at all of the gadgetry to make sure it’s true!] I mean the OTHER times, or MOST of the other times [ACT NORMAL. They think you are an abusive parent who cares not at all about your child’s health] most of the other times, the Dexcom was sort of…exaggerating? [Shut up shut up now they think you think the Dexcom has a little exaggerating man living inside who posts the numbers.]
The medical student and the endo went through the Dexcom data low by low, comparing these to same-time Verio pricks (scroll, scroll, scroll) and same-time pump activity (more scrolling). I felt like I was being given a Brazilian in public, on a Salem witch trial-type platform, with towns persons pumping forks and brooms up and down while shouting YARRRR.
The endo and medical student smiled beatifically, confident in their own niceness and non-threateningness, yet I did feel quite threatened and defensive and afraid. I’ve been fudging this whole thing and they could see it all right there, with graphs and three devices verifying my fakery. YARRRR. I should tell them about the juice.
BF: And I know our basal program is all wrong, but it might not all show up on the graph or the meter, because if the Dexcom is predicting a low, we’ve been giving sips of juice, and then dialing back the basal, but like only a tiny bit at a time, but it’s not enough…I mean we’re using juice every day—
And then the endo said, “You are doing a great job.”***
BF: Are you joking?
ENDO: No. Of course you’re doing a great job, are you kidding me?
BF: I thought you were going to say he had too many lows or that his target BG is too low?
ENDO: He doesn’t have many significant lows. I mean, we will make adjustments to try to have fewer lows, but he is usually in range. Good job!
Our endo really is super nice. And smart! And patient. She wishes us no harm. She wishes us well! Breathe. She is not trying to put me on trial or burn me up or rip out my hair. Try to remember that in April.
***Even if this is a lie, it helps. It makes me want to keep trying. Thank you.