How to Remain in the Mustard for As Long As Possible While Actually Trying to Do Things Right: 1. Dang, I’ve been correcting this high for a few hours now. It must be a bad site. Crap. Why didn’t we think of that sooner? Correct with syringe. Change site.
1.5. Hot diggity damn, it must be ANOTHER bad site. Correct with syringe.
1.75. Fern*. It must be puberty. Correct via new site.
2. At last. I knew this would all work out. (Content. Confident. Sleep.)
3. Fern it all. It must be a bad insulin cartridge. Correct with syringe with fresh insulin.
4. It must be a bad CASE of insulin cartridges. Correct w. syringe w. insulin from NEW box of cartridges PLUS change site. This could be the puberty-turns-insulin-into-water phenomenon I’ve read about on those nutty Facebook groups.
5. Of COURSE we figured it out. Next time, we’ll switch to a new box of insulin cartridges sooner—should we try to exchange the remaining bad cartridges at CVS? Or at least warn them of this faulty product? Eli Lilly’s proly gonna have to do a big recall. Begin dread break news to pharmacist.
6. [AT CHURCH.] From Sunday school building, Bubs wander into upper level sanctuary, sits empty pew, scans congregation below. Friend nudges, points Bubs is up there. Bigfoot sneak out of pew all slinky-like. But wearing (visually) loud pants. Climb rickety spiral stairs to upper level. But wearing (aurally) loud shoes. Congregants keep making eye contact: I like your pants. Finally reach face-neutral Bubs. Child so world weary. Flashes Dexcom, 367 double ups. Verio IQ: 383 mg/dL. Bubs yoinks up pants leg to thigh, grabs insulin pen out of kit, screws on pen needle, primes needle, injects 3.5u (3 for the extra 283 points, 0.5 for the double ups), holds needle in place extra extra long as if leaky dribble-backs might be problem. Good thinking. Good job. Stretches out in pew, head on lap.
7. Inject for lunch w. extra u’s for correction. End of post, 2pm, arrive Onederland**! 197mg/dL, straight arrow.
puberty? (like this for YEARS?)
Could it be
something deeply wrong with the pump?
some other factor I haven’t heard of?
*I forgot to note that I got saying “fern” instead of “fuck” from Six Until Me. Probably also “the mustard.”
**I got “Onederland” from someone unknown on Facebook.
Capitalization to suggest hysteria comes from Writing Out Loud.