OOH Regrets

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Saddest slab of delicious cake ever.

No regrets un-gluten whole house. Out of house, things more complicated.

O.O.H. Family gluten policy organically has become:

  • BUBS: zero.
  • BIGFOOT: zero if Bubs present* & usually zero anyway.
  • JOE: zero if Bubs present*/Bigfoot remind w. hairy eyeball.
  • JACK: carte blanche.

So what if, en route flu shot, happen upon parking spot directly in front of crowded little cafe? What if nab parking spot, confident GF cookie or muffin therein, because modern day times/slightly hip cafe, ask Bubs pre-bolus 2u and find inside, case of sweets—sure, dazzling/modern—zero items marked GF ? What if counter person is vaguely known mom of school friend? What if ask counter person: any GF items? Counter person: Well, we have a wonderful beef and bean chili and also an outstanding butternut squash lentil soup simultaneous Jack states: I think I’d like the red velvet cake. Would that be OK?

What if, re cake, tell Jack sure, because OOH policy = carte blanche. Ask counter person: Do you have any gluten free sweets? Maybe those macaroons? Counter person: Um, yeah, those are gluten free. But what if feel unconvinced by voice tone and also proximity/shared plate with jam tarts & assoc. crumbs? What if Bubs face glaze over, robot voice: It’s okay. I won’t have anything. [Bigfoot, to self: that will require five rolls of Smarties. Do I have five?] And Jack (more embarrassed Bigfoot gluten-questions/presence than usual, because counter person is acquaintance’s mother) murmur: Mom, maybe we should go somewhere else, meanwhile slab red velvet already on plate and Bubs see little Kinder bars and I guess I could have this? Bigfoot: yes.

At table, discrepancy in treat glory level painfully obvious. (Not include poor Bigfoot mere glass tap water.) After few bites, Jack: This isn’t very good. I’m going to throw it away. Bubs: Yeah, can we go? Spontaneous food treat gone horribly wrong. Everyone sad.

Exit cafe; gray day turns into rainy day. While dodge raindrops/unlock car, Jack hand Bigfoot hollow-feeling brown bag. Cake in box in bag. I just felt guilty throwing it away in front of Name’s mom. I didn’t want her to think I was, you know, a cake snob.

Then flu shots. Then home. Bubs trot inside/hello dog. Meanwhile, in driveway, Jack cramming cake into face.  Mom, this cake is really good, I just didn’t want to eat it in front of him.

Learned:

1. Why stop to buy kids cookies on the way to the doctor anyway? Stop trying to be fun with cookies. That was the first misstep.

2. Don’t assume every new cafe has gluten free things and do a stupid pre-bolus. (Second misstep: misstep of doom.)

Questions for obsessive mulling:

1. Should Jack even be allowed to order gluten things when B’s with us?*

2. Bigger question/different issue: shouldn’t Jack be GF anyway, since it might help him avoid T1d for a longer (forever) time? I’m not really ready to consider this, but it keeps cycling to the front of my brain anyway. He relishes breaks from gluten restriction. I’d hate to take them away. What if, for each week of gluten free eating, he could have one of these (<—the 13-year-old’s Lego set equivalent)? And what if gluten’s making him sick? But no one knows. (If Alessio Fasano told you not to jump off of a bridge**, would you jump anyway?)

*Unless it’s someplace completely g/gf-equitable, like Providence Flatbread, where Bubs loves the GF crust and doesn’t care that he can’t have the extremely much more delicious, shatteringly crisp wheat crust.

**I.e. told you not to assume gluten/zonlunin/leaky gut leads to T1d, even though his research seems to be super-suggestive of this.

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9 responses to “OOH Regrets

  1. The first part of this story (look at menu, see nothing) makes me sad. The second part makes me wonder — would Bubs want his brother to eat the cake or would he want to be the reason Jack doesn’t get it? I guess there’s no “right” answer, but I know that the guilt that some PWDs (and, I suppose, PWCs) may feel has to do with burdening or depriving others because of one’s own issues. (Though, family meals that are good for all, if a regular routine and not something “special” sounds like a great idea).

    So for Obsessive Mulling Question #1, I wouldn’t forbid it, but I’d ask for some bit of moderation/understanding. Hopefully he’s choose mega-sugar OR mega-gluten, but not both. And OMQ #2, I have no freakin’ idea, so I’d take my usual middle-ground (aka indecisiveness) and suggest moderation. But what do I know?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your insightful comments! B ALWAYS wants Jack to have the cake, maybe sometimes to the point of wanting to be the obvious martyr. Jack only wants the cake if it’s no big deal, which leads to near-continuous scheming to accompany Joe or me on errands with hopes that it will turn into a lunch date.

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  2. Jennifer

    Jack is a good brother. (So is B! But, Jack’s style makes me grin)

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  3. That was so nice of Jack to say it was bad. That doesn’t sound like someone who is put out at not getting more gluten treats, that sounds like a kid who is sensitive to his brother and goes with the flow.

    You must be doing things right.

    I am always so amazed and want to cry when I read about your dedicated gf household.

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  4. Amy

    My almost four year old daughter was diagnosed with type 1 a little more than a year ago, with a celiac diagnosis on its heals. We, too have turned our house into a “no gluten (except beer)” zone. Ironically, not long before our diagnoses we moved from gf heaven (Portland, OR – at least according to all the gf magazines I get . . . ) to rural SD – where there are very few gf options (thank goodness for vitacost!). Eating away from home still strikes fear in my heart . . . so I am impressed that you seem to navigate these situations well enough to even have an OOH policy. This my maiden blog response, and it is already clear that it won’t be the witty response my sleep deprived mind had envisioned . . . so I will close with a gratitude filled “thank you for writing this blog” and tell you that I think you do a fantastic job.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. skchrisman

    At the end of FFL, we met personally with Joe Solo regarding the prevention of sibling resentment. There’s so much time and attention on Pip that B can slink away for hours. His advice was spot on! Now, we set aside a particular day of the week to do something special with “our” B. She gets movies and treats, and rootbeer, and drive-thrus and lots of chatty time. It is working!

    I’m slowly introducing GF foods to our house. Tonight: “Oh hey, btw, there are some GF english muffins in the freezer now, and I saw that Kroger sells Kinnikinnick pizza crust!” I make this statement to everyone, and not really specifically to Pip, hoping all three kids (cause my husband eats like a kid) soon see GF as norm. Her response was it’s really REALLY good. (Thank you Kerri!)

    Every CWD should have a compassionate sib like Jack. What a gift to B!

    (As I type this, two monkey schlongs just popped up on Pip’s Dex. Treating a hypo. I can’t ever not think of double arrows as monkey schlongs, thank you very much!)

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    • skchrisman

      Forgot important tidbit! B also knows when her special time is, so if she’s feeling particularly forgotten during a crazy D moment(s), she can remember that her special time is coming and know she’ll have my full attention.

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  6. That’s just a sticky situation all around. So sweet for Jack to act like it wasn’t good when it actually was. My husband has been so good with his limited diet this year that I didn’t think much about it until we were eating at Carrabba’s for my birthday and I realized he couldn’t eat anything. 😦

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