1. A-; 2. soapy; 3. A+; 4. only Bubs will eat; 5. A+; 6. demographic might be Kardashians (most carbs = sugar alcohols), but Bubs likes this one; 7. meh; 8. A+; 9. A++ (salty!); 10. Bubs’s standard favorite. In swim bag; 11. Detested, inexplicably. (Double chocolate!); 12. A+ (salty, again!); 13 & 14: wholesome Kind bars ruined by chocolate drizzle. Jack likes. Bigfoot eat in chocolate emergency

Hit limit. Every cabinet, cubby, corner/subsidiary purse, pouch, pencil case, glove box full. Bars, bars, all kinds of bars.

Ultimate favorite, not pictured: paradise blue-wrapper über Coconut Macaroon.

Difficult break habit–not habit of eat sweetie bars, habit of buy bars every time leave house. As if afraid run out, but quite certain not run out. Bars everywhere. Whole Foods, Shaw’s, Target, gas station.

Yet urge tenacious. Like Smurfs! I really should get one of the tooth-brushing ones, because I brush my teeth. Wait, now there’s a tooth-brushing Smurfette? I really should get the tooth-brushing Smurfette, because I brush my teeth and I’m a girl. Shit, now there’s a Smurfette playing tennis? I really should…


Fourteen bars: that’s not so many. This is merely a representative sample of flavors on hand. 6 – 24 of each variety are currently in my possession, and I accidentally just bought 26 more (a sale!), and can’t find a place to cram them, and that’s what made me notice that this has become a pathology.

You know these things are not low carb, right? Right. But ostensibly I am purchasing them for my children. If I am honest with myself, I am the only one interested in the übers. And when I saw übers on sale at Shaw’s for $1 each, I bought all of them. It’s like when Joe bought all of the merino wool Patagonia socks at all of the TJ Maxxes, and now we can’t close our dresser drawers.

Does this give you some perspective on other people in your life who hoard idiosyncratic things? Absolutely not. Hoarding is repulsive. Except for test strips, sensors, mason jars, merino wool socks, and snacky bars.


18 responses to “Bars

  1. Last time I was in the states I bought all the uber bars I could.
    I’m patiently waiting for them to start selling them in Canada. Maybe in another decade?
    the coconut macaroon ones.. SWOON!
    I am also a bar nerd. I buy them whenever I’m out and then I stash them. They’re my go-to item on the run which is like.. all the time. I always have one in my purse, in my desk, in the big box of bars at home.


  2. Mary Margaret

    They don’t make my favorite anymore. Kind bar, walnut date flavor. It was everything it should be and they took it away. Without any warning so I can’t even tell you how I bought 3 cases first.
    No one else in the house eats these bats, so the stash I have is mine, all mine!


  3. Shana

    Love this essay! The best bar is the Lara tart cherry one and these are inexplicably, never ever in a discount multi pack. If one buys the multi pack at SAMs, the 3 children immediately stop eating those flavors. Grrrr! The diabetic girl prefers to get her emergency carbs in the form of fruit gummies, extra high fructose corn syrup, please. She never tired of cramming those in!


  4. Linda

    Is this a form of OCD? My cousin asked me if I was OCD (he pretty much is)… And really, I guess so. Seems like you have to be or become OCD to wrangle all the D-tails of pumping? Bound to spread over to un-D parts of life?


  5. Gayle

    have you tried Luna Protein ones yet? Colin LOVES the chocolate chip cookie dough one- and gluten free


  6. I am completely out of Quaker Chewy granola bars (my personal bar of choice)…except for some that may or may not be stashed in various locations (I know of a 6-year-old one in my hockey bag). Usually I buy them in bulk at BJ’s, but I was too lazy/cheap to buy them without a $2 off coupon, so now I have none. And I’ve been regretting that ever since.

    Moral of the story: Buy all the bars. Then buy more.


  7. Sigh… I thought this would be a post about going to bars;) I do love Nature Valley sweet n’ salty nut bars. Any variety. Great for long bike rides.


  8. I like the Luna Protein ones too (not pictured). Chocolate Peanut Butter is my favorite.

    The Luna Protein are gluten free, the regular Luna are not guaranteed gluten free.


  9. I love the Quaker Chewy Granola ones, too, but lately I’ve been on a Larabar kick. I always used the Quaker ones, and then they started making them in the 25%-less-sugar version, which starts to defeat the purpose.

    There were some really yummy bars at the Medtronic thing (it’s okay! your bar habit is endorsed by Medtronic!) and I haven’t been able to find them in the store. What will I do?!


  10. I meant to say I always used the Quaker ones for lows. Ahem.


  11. You know hoarding is an unavoidable complication of D, right? 🙂


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