Today endoscopy. Some other small troubled person cancel; Bubs yoink that spot pronto. So happy, miss standardized test @school. Wheee!
Arrive at hospital, Bubs/Bigfoot surprised endoscopy take place Children’s Surgery. And surprised specialty pajamas required—top and bottom. So cute, like tiny MD or off-duty geisha.
No surprises after pajamas. Results: yes celiac. Biopsy result in approx. one week. What purpose biopsy? Already diagnosed. Biopsy will show additional problem or describe severity of problem or reveal length of problem? No idea. Know nothing. Peek @report in chart: small photos juicy insides & words:
Normal esophagus. This was biopsied. Normal stomach. This was biopsied. Nodular mucosa in the duodenal bulb. This was biopsied. Congested duodenal mucosa. This was biopsied.
Hrmm? Really like GI surgeon-doctor. Ask what did you see? Answer something like, he does have celiac, as we expected and we’ll see what the biopsy results say. And when Bigfoot say I’m just so happy that now he can stop eating gluten and start feeling better GI doc face look sincerely happy, look on face is understands Bigfoot relief. Warmth.
While waiting Bubs enter recovery room, birthday party Evite land inbox. Party boy mother ask “I’ve noticed that you or Joe usually stay at parties to help with blood sugar. Would you need to do that for our party?” Bigfoot diarrhea of the fingers type back something like THAT’S NOTHING. FOR YOUR PARTY, NOT ONLY WILL WE STAY, BUT WE WILL ALSO BRING WEIRD FOOD! Anyway, grateful 1st party will be w. person sort of knows about…how is. Also grateful “would you” this case is more like “could you” because could use extra party-time driver, not “would you” like “would you have to because you guys are getting to be a total drag.”
Meanwhile, put all baking books, wheat flours, Z-bars, pasta, etc. on porch, beg friends come take away.
Bigfoot executive decision is get rid of all gluten. Know some families have gluten-yes cupboard. Bigfoot overriding emotion screw Triscuits. Even though Bubs not interested Joe’s Triscuits, Triscuit crumbs maybe get on things. Joe stow Triscuits in car. Bigfoot call from porch gluten heap but don’t eat them in the car! Part kidding, part think maybe this really how gluten world works? Heard about two-toaster deal; also need gluten-free car?
Buy Terra Chips sweet potato-beet for salty snack food. Also toss Z-bars; replace w. creepy lemur bars. Buy one million Justin’s Nut Butter peanut butter cups because love Justin’s nut butters + on sale (sack o’ 10/$3.99) + 7g CHO/cup + big, easy-spot “gluten free” label. Buy also assortment Bob’s Red Mill esoteric flours + more coconut + more almond flour. Once home, learn not all B.R.M. coconut items gluten free; return coconut items produced possibly on same equipment as wheat, get more almond flour. Then remember need special gluten free oats. B.R.M. has. Phew! Bigfoot beat.
Evening: library, book store. Magazines: Living Without and Simply Gluten Free Magazine. So far seems like useful recipes + laughable articles, or maybe cry-able articles with themes: I’m allergic to sidewalk chalk! And now I’m allergic to corn! And this bread is so crumbly! Or rub almond oil on your face as a moisturizer (if not allergic to nuts.) Smart friend remind Bigfoot This American Life episode w. Sarah Vowell essay The Journalism of Deprivation. Last heard in 2004, way before any deprivation any sort occur within own home. Re-listen. Still so funny.
Scour kitchen again. Find more flour. Find stray sleeve Ritz cracker. Then remember peanut butter touched by gluten-touched knife = contaminated. Toss. Then remember chocolate hazelnut butter. Sigh. Dang. Too precious toss. Label contaminant. Bigfoot plan eat w. spoon over course few days.
Also reluctant toss toaster. Love this toaster. First extravagant post-nuptial purchase. Possible exorcise gluten, rehabilitate toaster?
Also, thing like canned garbanzo. Ingredient: garbanzo beans. Is gluten free? Or only if says “gluten free garbanzo beans,” or only if not says, “Produced on equipment that may also be used for nuts, wheat, and soy” ?
Or chocolate chips. Whole Foods brand Semi-Sweet Chocolate Baking Chips Mini warns “contains milk and soy ingredients.” By omission = gluten free? Label also says “vegetarian” and “sodium free.” But not “gluten free.” That means yes gluten?