Write down before forget details of endo appointment.
Phase one: two weeks ago. Bubs always tired, never interested fun things, says I think I have lost my zest for life. Think: this is how he was before he was diagnosed. But his blood sugar’s ok. This makes no sense. Maybe he is just kind of being a pain?
Phase two: one week ago. Realize: it must be that pesky thyroid thing that’s been looming in the background! Bet Hashimoto’s arrive, ready for dance. Make endo appointment; visit phlebotomist.
Phase three: Today. Visit endo, review thyroid blood work. His thyroid’s working perfectly, but there are some other things we should explore. Endo point out Bubs not gain weight, only grow taller. Turn laptop toward Bigfoot reveal graph of BMI by percentile. Bubs slow descent.
Any heartburn? No. Gas? Bloating? No. What on earth endo thinking: child zest for life escape via farting? He just seems extra skinny because he’s growing taller. Then. Like baseball bat to face: she thinks it’s celiac. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
Always, always whole time diabetes think I am so happy he does not have celiac. It looks like such a pain in the ass, and also ignorant people think you’re making it up and roll their eyes at you. (<—Bigfoot speak from personal experience as judgmental asshole.) Also occasionally smug thinking We just don’t seem like the celiac types. (Realize, true, also used to not be diabetes types, but…?)
Next step is call gastroenterologist. This sound like very special tiny camera time?
ENDO: I’m not saying it is celiac, just that it’s something we should explore
BIGFOOT: (silent tears shoot from both eyes simultaneously. Pardon Bigfoot automatic grief laser response; back 3/4 turned away from Bubs, not notice)
ENDO: (passes tissue box) And the great news is, there’s no medication, so no side effects!
(Imply Hashimoto drug = side effects? Thought was easiest pill on earth.)
ENDO: And everyone I know with celiac, once they get on the right diet, they feel like new people—a million times better
BIGFOOT: (champion rationalizer apologizer explainer) Well, we’ve already been moving toward a grain free diet. I guess this will be just the shove we need
Think OMG Joe is going to get so skinny—unless he cheats when he’s at work. Or is that okay, as long as it’s not in the house? Or do people keep it in the house? Or do the gluten mites float through the air and poison everything. I’m just going to throw everything away and buy a bunch of chickens and cucumbers.
ENDO: But don’t stop eating gluten! We need him to continue to eat it so it doesn’t skew the test results