Mommy’s First Hypo

Running. Stop at mile 3. Walk walk walk. Feel sweaty, clammy, and desire punch someone unspecific face.

Take off running shoes for cooler feet. Walk walk walk, scree stick bottoms feet. Then notice this weird. Barefoot running OK, but barefoot walking after run, with shoes in hand? Weird. Then Players, I am having hypoglycemia-induced erratic behavior!

Soon as form thought, feel better. Because frankly kind of…exciting? Had hypo after OGTT, but unmetered, and only under strange laboratory-glucodrink caused circumstance. I can’t wait to get home to test!

In distance, tiny dog pull tiny man on skateboard toward Bigfoot. Closer, bigger. Then recognize Joe’s green helmet. Hi, my hero!

JOE: You ok? Did you have a good run?

BIGFOOT: I think I’m low! I had to stop running and now I’m all clammy. I just want to be home so I can test, but I can’t run because I’m totally out of batteries

Briefly consider hop on longboard, get speed ride home. Then switch teams: too hot, too clammy hold onto person torso. Switch little bit into getthefuckawayfromme mode. Walk walk walk. Not even eye contact/stop for ask pat cute dogs. Just walk.

Photo1Finally home. Test. 71.

Little disappoint, thought would be 40-something for how shitty feel, but maybe all relative? Always in 100-teens for fasting, maybe 70s feels very bad considering?

All want is oh mah gah I need apple cider. APPLE CIDER but so much like stand under apple cider waterfall, tilt head back, drink/choke, apple cider up nose & in ears, hair drenched apple cider. Imagine nose filled apple cider, down throat like neti pot at fire extinguisher force. Would be awesome. Open fridge. Most similar available beverage cider = wine, pour glass, fill over rim, splash all over kitchen counter because pour entire half bottle into small juice glass. Tell Joe, you can have some but leave out if you want to drink what I spilled all over the counter with a straw but don’t you dare ask me where the straws are because I will beat you up as soon as I have the energy. Drink few gulps, head up shower, drink wine shower, mix shower water, so sweet. almost like legendary cider waterfall. Bigfoot not even like wine.

Photo1(1)Feel better? Not really. Retest. 76.

Intellectually know wine not good answer, but wine seems practically apple cider, when compared other available options: candy corn (CHOKE!) Pineapple juice (GAG!). Back downstairs, devour carrots set out on plate as exemplary choice for meandering snackers. Then dinner—

Shit! Shit! Shit! Lately always plan low carb dinners! Nothing going on here: ribs, cauliflower, green beans. Wait. OMG there’s watermelon. YES! Thank you, Me, for including watermelon in this meal. Want cram point of watermelon so far into head will hurt & gag. Sound like very patriarchy porn scene, but sincere.

Now feel ok, but thinking cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie.

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17 responses to “Mommy’s First Hypo

  1. oh MAH GAH this is the funniest thing on the internet.
    Wine? for a low?
    apple cider? Eeew.
    the thought process is insanely real to hypoland in that it makes no sense. 🙂

    Like

  2. Jennifer

    This is terrific, and so very really what it’s like. Apple cider waterfall sounds lovely. Hope you got your cookie!

    Like

  3. LOL – please tell me this is true and you actually tried to use wine to treat a hypo. OMFG. hahaha. I think there should be an OJ drinking competition, but to enter you have to have a current BG of under 50. Watching that would FREAK PEOPLE OUT.

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  4. As I recall, 71 would have induced a crazy hypo for me back when I was diagnosed because I wasn’t used to being in that neighborhood. Also, sometimes it’s also how fast you’re dropping that does it too. Glad everything turned out okay in the end.

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  5. Is it acceptable to treat a low with wine while at work? Because that would make my day a helluva lot better!

    Glad you’re feeling better. When I’m low I want to swim in a sticky pool of peanut butter with an orange juice waterfall flowing into it.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. My first low was 78, I think. And I remember thinking, “Wow, this is so trippy!” I second the motion for an OJ-drinking contest.

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  7. Kim

    I love all of this, except for the part where you felt like crappola.

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  8. Linda

    You are a magician par excellence. How you can make diabetes THIS entertaining is a fascinating mystery to me. Thank you.

    Like

  9. Holy shite. If you were a “real” diabetic (LOL) you might have off-ed yourself with wine for a hypo. I have to admit that once I drank some cheap white zinfadel left in my house after a party for a bg of 38. My rationale at the time was that I would drink the wine, get the initial high from it and then be in better shape to walk to the convenience store and get some real glucose. It was ridiculous though, because I’m such a lightweight that I drank 12 ounces of wine and ended up a little drunk and then I got the initial high (of 146) after the wine and then I spent the rest of the night (from about 1 am to 6 am) trying not to die from a hypo – my sugar crested at that 146 then two hours later I was plummeting viciously. That evening I drank two one liter bottles of apple juice, had a pint of ice cream, and like a half a jar of almond butter. And I never went higher than 70 after that initial pop up from the wine. The next day I felt like a bloated tick (left on a dog for two days) and threw up most of the food just listed by noon.

    Also?? 70 does feel low if you’re used to being at 115-150. So, I do feel for you. Also?? Sometimes, the 60s or 70s feel worse for me than the 30s or 40s…

    xoxo

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  10. Wine? Only if it’s a sweet German. Beer is better with all that yummy yeast. (But not gluten free.)
    And while it’s been a long time, my first low felt like I was in the teens and going to reach the pearly gates in a few minutes, but I was only 68. And Nicole is right… sometimes the higher hypos (60s and 70s) suck because you may be there longer…

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  11. So I guess this answers my question “does 71 count as ‘regular-people-low?'”. I’ve caught my less-than-two-year-old non-D-as-far-as-we-know son in the 50s a few times (typically right when he wakes up in the morning; the kid worries me), and hoped that it qualifies as his normal, at least at his age. I do remember them testing his BG in the hospital when he was born, and 50 qualified as normal back then, or so they said.

    But you’re not alone. My lows often come with an abundance of whine as well. It does something to my patience and temper, which sometimes is the first sign of said low.

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    • Technically, 71 does not count as “regular people low”. It’s a very normal regular person number. Regular people are also normal in the 60’s. 50’s might be more suspect, but it only truly counts if documented on serum (ie blood draw) because we all know meters aren’t the most accurate.
      And for kiddos, we only count numbers less than 50 mg/dl as hypoglycemia in otherwise healthy kids. And same thing goes with the blood draw thing. We’ve had kids come to the ER, get blood drawn, the meter says 48 mg/d and the serum (lab test) says 70 something. Not hypoglycemia.
      But it sucks to have low symptoms, either way you cut it :/

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