Party. Karamu. Fiesta. Forever.

All night Dexcom buzz low warning. Not annoy Bigfoot. More like new boyfriend wake Bigfoot up for stare into eyes with I love you and I’ll stay by your side forever-style message.


11-fifty-something PM: 71.

11:55(?)PM: BUZZ! Low warning 71. Confirm finger stick: 74. 7g CHO Juicy Juice. Await arrow up. Snuggle under duvet for new favorite show. (I.e. THE AMAZING PERFECT BG SHOW.)

But not go up. Down more. Creep down 70, 68, 64…But Bigfoot learn patient. And straight arrow good. Wait 15 minutes.


Not the desired Juicy Juice result.

Confirm finger-stick. (70.) More Juice!



12:30AM. Juice kick in. Arrow up. This desired result? Or better if arrow straight? Think Bubs probably too high soon; 15g CHO juice ostensibly = BG +150-ish points. Anyhoo, just glad no more low.

Two more rounds.

Two more rounds.

Then low again 1AM (no recall—must have been BSpouse on this case); also 3:30AM (treat, watch favorite tiny tv show). Finally 5-ish AM straight arrow & 85. Of course, Dexcom continue buzz low warning every 15 minutes. Consider put receiver outdoors until wake up time. But. Still romantic new boyfriend glow so keep by side. No, you’re Shmoopy.


Getting out of the orange light district at last!

Wake up 7AM this sound: I missed the bus! Dad, can you drive me? And I’m hungry! And I feel low! And May you make me some oats? And then Oats! Oats! Please get up! I want oatmeal! I have to go to school and I am hungry!

7AM Fingerstick BG 82. Usually not bolus in advance if under 90/feel low. But bolus 15 min. in advance, meanwhile make oats/tea/pack lunchbox. Maximum efficiency keep Bigfoot mind off of impending doom from douche move of give low-ish, low-feeling skinny person whopper insulin bolus (4.5u) before food on table.

After oats, straight arrow, 90, 94, etc. Big pat on back. Bigfoot upstairs get dressed DZZZT ZZZT!

Our first double monkeys.

Our first double monkeys.

Whole house vibrate. Mom! The thing is alarming for you! Run downstairs, see this. Sam Talbot think so funny w his twelve-carb organic platter + stevia acai punch pitcher.

After oats with 15 minute pre-bolus. Hello.

After oats with 15 minute pre-bolus.

Look. Bigfoot know breakfast cereal = Satan. But seriously: oats? Scooped from organic food bulk bin, store in Mason jar like unpretentious housewife featured so many 2008 magazine articles? Guess tablespoon maple syrup (14g CHO) not help situation.

And then: 30 min later, buckle in for drive school, arrow diagonal down & 191. Bubs wearing complimentary Dexcom G4 holster, clip on Spibelt. Enjoy snap feature. Unsnap, peek. Repeat. Very official. Pump + CGM holster take up entire width torso. Loose hoodie cover everything.

So. Okay. Upon arrive, enter nurse’s office: one boy crying w. bloody nose, girl enter crying w puffy eye, one teacher hovering sternly, Bigfoot think fistfight? Nurse smile Oh, hi! Come in! Bigfoot slightly explain CGM but pretty much say not need do anything, explain maybe will give Bubs early clue if low, still need finger test, etc. Love: despite chaotic scene in office, nurse FASCINATED. First CGM child! Many, many questions. Love.

Nurse call 9:30AM: 52 + CGM display crossed off martini glass. Bubs came to my office, he said the martini glass had turned off, so I think it is not working, and he felt low. Whup, wait, what? Oh, he says it’s working again and it says 119.



  1. Jackie · March 25, 2013

    This post is absolutely hysterical. I love it and can’t wait to get my Vibe with the shiny magic that is the G4. Also martini glass, I never thought about that. 😛


  2. Scott E · March 26, 2013

    Oatmeal is probably #1 on my list of spike-really-high-then-drop-really-fast foods. I can’t figure out why… I’ve got the same carbs as two slices of toast, and it’s got a high fiber content. It defies all logic.

    I don’t know if this overnight low is because of a lot of exercise the previous day — a 45-minute hockey game can cause my BG to drop for a full 12 hours after I’ve unlaced the skates. Either way, I’m glad the Dex caught it. It’s proven its worth.

    From Monkey Schlongs to Lionel Richie. I can’t wait to see where your next post is headed….


  3. shannon · April 2, 2013

    lionel ritchie + seinfeld? i’m so glad you’re in my life.


  4. Sharon Chrisman · August 7, 2014

    Not sure to say “thanks” on the monkey schlong imagery, or “THANKS!” with OMG OMG OMG Taylor Swift enthusiasm! Funny bigfoot. Love our Dex. Can’t wait until receiver is a thing of the past and all she needs is her iPhone, which is attached to her person like an extra appendage. Losing that? Fat chance for a 14yo girl!

    Liked by 1 person

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