Pick Bubs up at school, he sad, everyone mean to him, la la la. Etc. Drive home.
BFOOT: Who was mean to you?
BUBS: Everyone. Everyone was teasing me.
BFOOT: What were they saying?
BUBS: They said (puts on obnoxious whiny voice) that’s not right! In music class when I tried to answer a question.
Arrive home. School nurse from Jack’s school call on telephone: Jack have headache, need Bigfoot come get him. Get back in car, Bubs hysterical. Want to stay home. Bigfoot say that not possible, face wrath of Bubs. Arrive. Get Jack. Face wrath of Jack: don’t you know that ALL day I was looking forward to walking home with my friends? And now I have to get a ride home with YOU?
This not friendly. Also Bigfoot eat too many nut cluster earlier in day, feel kind of sick. Arrive home, two children screaming. Not scream in pain or sadness, scream only because of injustice have Bigfoot for mother. Meanwhile, Bigfoot need test Bubs’s blood sugar. Feel pretty sure it low, this well-documented cause of sudden onset belligerence—it all over diabetes literature. If your child seems like a belligerent drunk, it’s a sign of low blood glucose. No need footnote, it not actual quote.
Try approach nonchalant manner; Bubs run out door. He run to neighbor’s fence. Dogs barking. Why can’t you leave me alone? You’re such a jerk. Bigfoot tell him, one idea is get blood sugar check calmly and efficiently, then Bigfoot can leave alone. Why would I want to go get a blood sugar check with a jerk like you? And so on. Bigfoot say, sorry, I going have to carry you inside, it maybe be embarrassing if friends see but have to do for health reason. He smack hands away, say I’m already walking in you stupid jerk!
Get inside, do blood test. Number is 111. That an utterly fine number. Bigfoot not tell whole truth: first tackle Bubs on kitchen floor, then do blood test while sit on him. Whole time thinking, this may be my tube frosting moment, keep it together-keep it together-keep it together. Sorry if this a Münchausen lady style behavior.
Once Bubs start eating, it evolve into rather large snack with much lip-smacking: grilled cheese sandwich, giant banana, glasses of milk, chocolate ladybug. Meanwhile, headache victim maintain steady whine, alternate with scream, snack cure this problem also.
Also Butter the dog has fleas.