I really used that phrase.

Evening of mystery. Bigfoot at meeting, other family member eat Panera soup dinner, probably cookie, maybe smoothie. 80 something g. Now everyone asleep, Bigfoot try decipher. Big wind/rain storm beginning. Electricity in air, if not in data.

5PM 87. Eat, bolus

6:30PM 80.  Not sure why spouse check BG. Maybe Bubs feel low? Maybe only for waste strip.

8:30PM 196. Eat snack, bolus. Bigfoot Spouse change site. Because 48 hours old. Not sure when change: before/after bolus. Typically, Bfoot/BSpouse not foresight change site before bolus. Probably bolus w old site.

Now Bigfoot Spouse asleep, murmur nonsense. Bigfoot try wake up this tired person. Unable communicate straight line. Bigfoot Spouse confused, think wake up for change site. Stumblebum start stand up. No no no no no no go to sleep. 

11PM 292. Should assume bad site? Or site just need time acclimate? Bigfoot read sometimes new site cause temporary high. Faith in site. Correction w/ pump. Immediately think: probably bad site.

12:30AM 289. Bigfoot re-check BG too soon. Impatient see number go down b/c want sleep. But same high. If site not working, would be higher. Maybe site begin work now. Maybe if change site, just press new-site-high reset button. Maybe patience.

Correction w/syringe. Wipe plush bum alcohol swap. Air dry. Press in needle, Bubs twitch away, roll over, emphatic wrap in duvet for no access buns. I have to give you an injection. You’re high.

No.

I have to. Should I use an arm? Bubs roll tighter in duvet. It will be OK. It’s almost over. I’ll use your bum. Use my other side of my bum. Not the one with the site (that a clue? site hurting? site look OK, no red, no pink, no puffy).

Press in needle, Bubs move away, asleep, slap hands in needle direction. I have to do this, and then I’ll stop bothering you and you can sleep.

Fine.

Press in needle, plunge, hold, count 5, ok. After, realize probably not kosher jab one needle through skin 3 times, only first time on alcohol-cleansed area. Now try awake til 2:30, check again.

WHILE I WAIT ON TENTERHOOKS, I CAME UP WITH THESE EXCITING SCENARIOS:

A. He’s between 120-200. Go to sleep. (All this, plus: you win a new teapot lid!)

B. He’s still over 200, but under 250. Syringe correction. Check back in 2 hours. (CONSOLATION PRIZE: you win the All-Clad slow cooker with stove- and oven-safe insert!)

C. He’s still over 250, but under 300. Syringe correction. Check the cartridge. Change the site. Kick yourself for not changing the site at 11 o’clock. Check back in 2 hours. (No prize. Pure blah.)

D. He’s over 300. Syringe correction, blood ketone meter, check cartridge, change the site. Etc. (WRETCHEDNESS PITY PRIZE: Vitamix blender!)

Forgot option E: under 120. And answer 2:30AM: E.

92

PRIZE: Watch more Parenthood star Peter Krause, make sure not drop more. Probably drop more. Probably smart prophylactic juice but not feel confident. Also not want wake Bubs for drink. If lower 3:30, juice. Long night. Sorry talking to self.

3:30AM: 64. Juice. Probably syringe/pump double-correction, everything work all at once? More Peter Krause. Every episode cry.

4AM: 108. I went to sleep. I did not win a prize.