Solution

29. Or 53. Or 91. Or 61. Something like that.

Play chase with dog after dinner. Then hop in car. En route pool. I feel kind of low.

29.

BIGFOOT: You’re 29! That’s really low. But you seem to feel not so, so low

BUBS: Well, I feel kind of low

BIGFOOT: But 29? That would be, like, the lowest you’ve ever been, like, you’d be all juhjuhjuhjuhjuh shaky, sweaty, something would feel way off. And the screen says “control solution” at the bottom. Maybe that means we need to use control solution. Anyway, let’s test again

53.

BUBS: Should I drink this whole juice or just part of it?

BFOOT: Drink the whole thing

Next try test control solution. Verio IQ control solution beautiful shade Smurfblood blue instead of creepy magenta fake blood color. Test control solution v. healthy 104. How do you feel? (I’m fine.) Do you still want to swim? (If I’m allowed to.) Sure! Let’s go!

Say “Sure! Let’s go!” with best attempt breezy affect because try not be so chicken. 29/53 + Juice + Swim + 100g CHO tortellini dinner + 8u insulin, too many input. Brain not compute. Might as well swim since no idea what go on in that belly/blood**. No anchor. Tigers above, tigers below. Okay. Go.

Wait. Before pull out of driveway, while suck juice: 91. When arrive @pool 61. Offer juice. Awwww, don’t we have any glucose tabs? Bubs cheek cram three Glucolift, jump in pool.

Meanwhile time for new site. Sort of handy rewind/reload pump since pump off body anyway (swim). Bigfoot adore this type passive multitask. If only could simultaneously knit w toes…But wait. Who that? Loose association talkative swim patron notice Humalog vial from distance one Olympic length. Is that what I think it is? Humalog, is it? I used to be a pharmacy tech, before I was in the explosion. Yup! My spine is all metal, almost all of my abdominal muscle had to be removed, it was all…necrotic tissue. Know what kind of cheese I like? It’s eighteen dollars a pound…

Bigfoot continue flick air bubbles while listen and for only three weeks of the year you can get the Champagne grapes–have you ever had those?

BIGFOOT: (flick!) the tiny ones?

Man, are they good with the aged gouda–it’s expensive, but hey, it has been aged for six–SIX–years. It’s harder than a parmigiano reggiano. I had to have regular grapes today. Got them at the Whole Foods over on the East Side. They were big, but still very good. Very sweet. Hey. (Raises eyebrows, lowers chin, speaks w lockjaw) You have diabetes? No, my little boy. Excuse me for saying so, but I think you’re giving him way too much. I mean, that’s a huge injection. It would be, but this is for a pump. It’s not to use all at once. It lasts for days. Ha! Of course. I was going to say. Well. Does he have the, (eyebrows up, chin down, lockjaw) you know, the Juvenile diabetes? Yup. Aw, man. Dumb question. What was it going to be, (eyebrows/chin/jaw) little kid like that gets it from eating too much? Loose association person move on new topic of Halloween costumes (witch tip: striped stockings), how learn walk after explosion (rehab tip: swimming), terrible name for daughter would be (brow/chin/jaw) Mildred.

For record, Bigfoot like name Mildred. Cute nickname Milly or for goth could use Dready.

Loose association swimmer thinking Bigfoot inject Bubs entire 200u insulin cartridge bring thought back to this post. This where learn insulin overdose is (common? known? simple?) suicide method. That put guts in tight knot. Could also be for assisted suicide? Or…(brow/chin/jaw) murder? Never able see insulin same way. Bigfoot mean, always know dangerous, but never think of insulin intentionally dangerous.

Also: WTF Dreamy Meter? 29. Control Solution. 53. 91. 61. Bigfoot call Verio IQ customer service. Rep explain sorry, meter not working if display “control solution” in response child’s blood. Verio will FedEx new meter, new strips, new control solution. But it seems to be working fine now. I just wanted to know if it meant to tell me I should use the control solution–is it like a prompt? I mean, is there ever a time when it would display “control solution” and not be broken?

REP: Yes. While you are using the control solution

Oh.

It’s going to be something.

Bedtime, 97. Because running low earlier (even though meter broken) + swim, allow graham cracker (4g CHO)/peppermint tea bedtime snack.

Now try predict. Will it be

A. Shit! Of course I should have given him more to eat before bed–he’d been SWIMMING and he got a 29 from a semi-functional meter. Now I’ll be up all night dribbling Juicy Juice all over the bed

B. Shit! Of course I shouldn’t have encouraged him to eat a GRAHAM CRACKER after a huge carby dinner. Now I’ll be up all night trying to get this stupid number down

C. Shit! I stayed up all night for NOTHING

D. Should put happy solution for “D” but too crabby

**We do carry a spare One Touch Mini & One Touch strips, but it did not occur to me that this would be an appropriate time to use them.

Note for future: high at 11P, 1A, 3A.

Seizure-y

What lengths will you go to for an extra one of these?

Bubs’s Lantus dose 9u now. 7u before. Coro Center nurse advise test 2AM one or two times, make sure not go too low in night. Tell Bigfoot not need worry, Bubs “is just a normal, growing boy with diabetes.”

As imagine, Bigfoot not 100% keen on 2AM finger prick. Therefore agree camp out by fire, try make mild homestyle adventure. Bubs in sleeping bag, Bigfoot on sofa. Two new New Yorker magazine arrive while Bigfoot in Bahamas, eager read article with Darwin/altruism/vampire bat regurgitate blood into mouth of starving fellow vampire bat.

Settle in by fire. Bigfoot have magazine open, sheepskin spread over sofa, big duvet all to self. Alarm set 2AM. Bubs in sleeping bag, rosy cheeks, hair damp from shower.

BUBS: I feel like I can’t fall asleep

BFOOT: Maybe you’re too hot

BUBS: Yeah

BFOOT: Let’s skooch you away from the fire

BUBS: OK (sets sleeping bag and pillow up a few feet further away from the fire)

BFOOT: (goes back to reading vampire bat article)

BUBS: Or maybe I can’t fall asleep because I just feel so low

BFOOT: You do? (Hops up to get finger pricker. Bubs handles the pricker and runs the test)

BUBS: 39

BFOOT: Thirty-nine? Really? (Runs into kitchen to get candy corn)

BUBS: I’m sorry

BFOOT: It’s not your fault! Are you eating those?

BUBS: It is my fault. I should have told you sooner

BFOOT: Did you eat all seven?

BUBS: Yeah

BFOOT: Did you feel low and not say something?

BUBS: No

BFOOT: It’s not your fault! Honey, you know it’s not your fault at all

BUBS: My legs feel weird. They feel all…seizure-y

BFOOT: They do? (Starts rubbing his legs)

BUBS: Yeah, it’s like I can control them and make them stay still but it’s really really hard to

Sam Fuld is not Sam Talbot

Now at 99. Bigfoot pause. Think. What different? Switch cow milk for sugarfree coconut milk, unsweet almond milk. Also Girl Scout cookies arrive. Also, swim YMCA minnow no guppy (rigorous.) But what if LANTUS whopper dose the problem—low come back again, again, again? Really need hypoglycemia awareness dog. Ask spouse check again: 137.

Sam Talbot eats sauteed broccoli rabe for a snack

Meanwhile, for happy thing, Sam Talbot cookbook arrive. Bigfoot recommend. Sam Talbot so handsome, so healthy, Type 1 since age 12, professional chef, surfer, book of recipe also have practical advice for how carry syringe in pocket, how organize supplies in home, how bring all need in waterproof box for surf. Still huge hassle but gorgeous book make feel better this topic. Wee bit. Bigfoot family decide make pilgrimage Montauk, find Sam Talbot restaurant. Book feature photo Sam Talbot test blood sugar–same blue meter as Bubs, but Sam Talbot meter all scratched up (sandy lifestyle).

Lemon ricotta pancake. Sam Talbot say eat only one time in year because splurge. Sam Talbot limit carbs under 90/day (20-30/meal.) Bigfoot so far away this goal.

One Samoa cookie: 10g carbs. Seems like should be more.

Rich + healthy: good

Have fun. And don't forget to tape Skittles to your butt!

Away from diabetes, everything so simple. This trip offer added layer simplicity: everything free, have as many $300 dinner/ $17 Diet Cokes* as desire, sign name and room number, done. Plan ahead when eat not matter. Carb count not matter. Price not matter too! Musical selection (Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Billy Ocean, Sade) not matter. Bigfoot mistake Billy Ocean Suddenly Lionel Richie Hello–not matter, no ashamed error. Enjoy all. Not feel guilty, only calm.

Bigfoot realize this hollow, maybe tired of ease by tomorrow, become homesick. For now so nice experience life as wealthy, disease-free socialite. Today, yesterday, day before, day before that, barely think of family.

That not true. Think of family, but never how feel right now, left behind, no lady in house. Only think they would love it here! They would go on all of these water slides and hide in the underground aquaria (Bigfoot really choose that plural) and they’d make friends with these other kids and then run from pool to pool to swim some more and <—fantasy stop; think impossible keep track blood sugar/hypoglycemia all-day swim, impossible let Bubs have fun while maintain awareness location, parent ride adjacent inner tube Lazy River? Attach water-resistant emergency Skittles Bubs–duck tape Ziploc bag on buttock? Sand get in pump site? Change to syringe/pen when go on beach trip? It OK switch back and forth? Pfft. So complicated. Much better stay home, eat rice cakes peanut butter/banana, swim one hour YMCA, for thrill buy Lego.

Bigfoot Skype spouse this is so relaxing. You have to go on a vacation by yourself. I have never been this relaxed. You would not believe how calm I am. Bigfoot spouse not comprehend, tell story of Jack purchase hideous Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup theme t-shirt. Next day Bigfoot spouse revisit idea, email I was thinking about what you said about going on a vacation by myself…do you think I might see if Kim could come over for an hour while I go out on my bike? <—By share this, Bigfoot mean illustrate paltry expectation “me time.”

Surreptitious check out every bare belly Atlantis beach. Thousand abdomen, maybe more. Find zero insulin pump. Skinny brothers running in ocean, race to family chaise, munch out on Bugles, one brother have blip on abdomen, heart soar: this fellow enjoy beach-time fun. Detach insulin pump while swim! Quick break for intoxicating junk snack! Sunshine. But nah. It just a minimally disfiguring birthmark.

*Not accurate. Diet Coke (can) $4. $300 dinner serve 3 famished adult.

Deaf v. Blind v. Diabetic–> DEAF WIN!

Illustrative of nothing, except one boy's ideas about toast.

Today Bubs high all day. Time to swim, not want go. Why can’t I stay here? I want to play with Legos! This is stupid. Eventually convince swim. No lie: as soon as jump in, call out Wow! It just feels so good to be in the water again! After few more jump, Bubs emerge from swimming pool ask this question: Mama, would you rather be death or have diabetes?

BFOOT: Deaf, like can’t hear? Or death, like dead?

BUBS: Deaf

BFOOT: I’d rather be deaf

BUBS: Why?

BFOOT: I don’t know, it seems less dangerous and like you would just eventually get used to it and not really notice it or have to do anything special…

BUBS: Well what about would you rather be blind or have diabetes?

BFOOT: I’d pick diabetes. I think it would be really hard not to see anything, even though you could feel how cute baby is by smooching the cheeks and smelling the smell…but you could never drive a car, and…

BUBS: Yeah! I feel sorry for blind people, because they might think a sailboat is all (gesticulates to indicate curlicues)

BFOOT: Yeah

BUBS: It would be terrible to be blind

BFOOT: Yup, it would be hard

Bubs skip-hop back in water, so pleased have vision. Bigfoot go Bahamas now. Bye.

NOTE FOR SCIENCE: Today 1 hr. swim drop blood sugar 365—>187.

Semblance

I never worry about Heejun.

School pick up time, Bigfoot realize upon get in car: forget sugar test kit. Clock read 2:37. Pick up time 2:40. Already late, ETA 2:42. (2:07 Bigfoot decide necessary bake Swedish apple pie-cake.) Think self, it’ll be OK, Bubs will just want to come home to play with his Legos, and it looks like it’s about to rain anyway.

Arrive school 2:41. Bubs feel good playground juju. Difficult choose: endanger child by allow play/not have sugar test kit/die vs. endanger child by remove fun/life not worth live.

BFOOT: (Calling to son who is skipping toward playground.) Wait. Wait a minute. Did Dream Nurse just test your blood sugar?

BUBS: Yeah. I don’t know. Yes

BFOOT: Do you remember what it was?

BUBS: No

BFOOT: Do you remember if it was high? Or low? Or normal?

BUBS: It was normal. It was kind of low. It was 87

BFOOT: Before you run away, eat these 

BUBS: Woo-hoooo! (Speaking loudly, hoping someone will hear him and become envious.) Sweetarts! Blue ones! Orange ones! (Skips to playground.)

97 + 7 Sweetarts

Bing! Email from Dream Nurse arrive. 2PM test 97, not 87. Begin process of switch worry over to too high. He’s going to be too high.

By time get home, 137. Eat normal snack: rice cake, peanut butter, banana. Swimming in 1/2 hour, so give insulin but leave 20g carbs uncover for swim buffer. Then give five m&ms. (Red/purple. Dark chocolate variety.) This as scientific as get.

Swim, dive, somersault forward/backward, tread water 75 minutes. End of swim lesson I feel low. 66. Save life with Starbursts. Up to 112. Then dinner time: up to 160. Eat 150g cooked Barilla Plus penne (=60g carbs) with dinner. Very carb. Switch worry over to too high. He’s going to be too high. Carb total for dinner=125g. A LOT! 1:15…8u covers 120g…seem OK. Begin tell self soothing tone: he’ll probably be high at bedtime but it won’t last for long so don’t worry, it’s just the pasta, it’ll be OK.

Bedtime: 65. Bigfoot spouse give peanut butter cracker and milk. No! No no no no no. That no way treat low. Spouse confuse real hypoglycemia with medium-low bedtime number. Test again 15 minute: reach 70. Bigfoot try get Bubs eat spoonful of honey. Bubs game, sound like treat but texture make gag, now honey all over sheets (flannel.) Bigfoot lick honey off of sheet, beg spouse bring glucose tabs, Bigfoot retreat watch American Idol with neglected elder child, happy Heejun still on show. Eventually Bubs up to 100. 10PM, almost asleep.

 

Two Unawares

Revealing the unpoked real estate.

It not enough say, “Hypoglycemia can suck it! We have Starbursts!” It necessary say, “Hello hypoglycemia, welcome to our gentlepersonly world. How may we serve you? Will you be needing some extra insulin after your sugary treat?”

Bigfoot 98% unaware why hypoglycemia so bad. Blithely think it, sure, brush with death but easy enough notice/fix. Have some vague inkling long-term bad effect hypoglycemia exist, but not know about this bullshit. (Hypoglycemic episode desensitize body, require more insulin over upcoming time period of unknown beginning/duration.)

Lately Bigfoot and Bigfoot Spouse get cocky with improvise dose. Since Bubs require much less insulin when swim, begin nuanced fudging other areas, think total pro move. Smug. For example: if Bubs low before dinner, treat low. Once over 80, allow eat dinner. Tabulate carbs, ratio, then perhaps subtract one unit insulin from total since so low at beginning of meal. Read little notebook at end of day, compliments galore: “Ohhhh, I see what you did here, with the 1:20 instead of the 1:15. Smooth. Nice one.” That not right. Very bad.

High low high low high low. Wonder what this feel like to person inside broken body? Bubs always say it feel fine. Maybe notice feel low, maybe not. When high, feel no difference. Bigfoot try make game during glucose meter count down, see if on subconscious level Bubs aware high/high-ish/low-ish/low:

5

BFOOT: What do you think it’s going to be?

4

BUBS: I don’t know

3

BFOOT: Well, how are you feeling? Want to make a bet? I bet it will be 97

BUBS: Eh. I don’t know

2

BFOOT: Want to make a guess?

1

BUBS: Nah

Shown actual size.

Bigfoot also unaware test strip control solution expire three months after open. That a bitch. Why not just say expire every month, make easy remember? Or include complimentary bottle in test strip box? Theoretically, test strip useless if not have fresh control solution. Also: Bigfoot family pretty much never use control solution. Lulled into complacent, believe strips work OK.

So uptight/nervous, yet so careless/ineffective. Bigfoot also misspell non sequitur and Orla Kiely yesterday, also criticize person never met for blankety blank (no need repeat–it hearsay) when try so hard turn new leaf with say nice things about assholes.

Secret: no secret

Speedos: back in a big way, but only for those with small buns

Swimming exuberant joy but so tricky. Bigfoot learn importance give medium-ish, sweet-ish snack, no insulin, before swim. Snack lesson end problem of hypoglycemia while swim. 100% effective. Experience brief feeling mastery.

With advance medical knowledge come awareness of new, worse issue. Swimming make blood sugar drop hour, hours, or many hours after swim also (i.e., in addition during swim), never know when happen. Last night, Bigfoot and Bigfoot Spouse try watch Daily Show Hulu. Bubs keep calling out with update re: loose tooth. Bigfoot notice time 10:00PM. Very strange Bubs still awake. Go without saying Bubs not worry, think parents have safety all wrap up with bow. Bigfoot use ice cold feet for push spouse out of bed, force test Bubs’s blood sugar: 64. At 8:30PM was 111. At 6PM dinner time, 121. At 4PM pre-swim: 143.

Treat low: glucose tabs. Wait 15 minutes. 10:15PM. Tooth come out. BS=81. This not seem safe for sleep. Make spouse go into icy kitchen, make peanut butter cracker snack. Convince Bubs eat peanut butter cracker, very difficult because tooth missing afresh, bloody gap. Test again. 10:30PM: 84. How know not drop low again? Not know. Make spouse go make more peanut butter snack. Eventually BS=ninety-something, everyone fall asleep even though Bigfoot pretty sure that not endocrinologically correct procedure.

I love this bench. It is warm, and I can read magazines or Mindy Kaling's book. I love swimming.

Today, Bubs write to Coro Center nurse, describe swim sugar problem, ask for advice. This what she write back: You treated the post swim situation perfectly!!  [Bigfoot appreciate positive comment so much, eyelashes elongate, curl/hair take on more lustrous sheen upon read this line.]

In regard to your question regarding how to manage potential delayed lows following swim, I have a few suggestions.  I would check his BG more frequently after swim to get a better idea of when (if) he drops.  [At 9PM: Bubs score 174. Maybe Bigfoot give too big snack? Also, snack peanut butter ice cream---not good choice. Probably should be grilled chicken panini, string cheese, whole grain cereal.) If he is having delayed lows (and if swim is after dinner) you could try giving him less insulin with dinner on swim nights.  Another approach would be to give him a post swim snack that includes both carb and protein.  Unfortunately with exercise there are general guidelines but experience will be your best teacher.

Bigfoot read this a few times, hunt for valuable kernel. Where guaranteed method for not kill child? Where reassurance Bubs wake up, give rousing call for help if feel low in sleep? Read and read. This a Yoda thing?

Some information: Candy

Not so appealing to the mother

Get coat pocket, swim bag, book bag ready. Bigfoot really not want be one mention chocolate not good hypoglycemia cure. That one more diabetes injustice. Bigfoot remain inexperienced, cavalier. Chocolate must have some benefit. Not as good as sugar packet/glucose tab, better than butter on rice cake or pepper jack cheese.

One TicTac: 0.5g

One M&M: 1g

One Skittle: 1.5g

One candy corn: 2g

In a perfect world, Cadbury Minieggs would SURPRISE! be found inside 1 of every 5 glucose tab jars

One Cadbury Miniegg: 2.5g

One Necco wafer: 3g*

One Starburst: 4.5g

One Hershey’s Kiss: 5g

One watermelon Jolly Rancher: 6g

One gummy worm: 7g

*irrelevant—no one eat Necco

Not Bite Dog

Remember: the sweater reflects poorly (or well) on the douchebag who puts it on the dog, not on the dog himself

How decide what advice follow?

Before current era, Bigfoot biggest life challenge dog behavior modification. Bigfoot dog emotionally disturb, bite mailman. Maybe also plumber apprentice. Go crazy on leash when see other dog. Bigfoot become emotionally unavailable when begin list all issue of concern this dog. Always think, “One day I’m going to write them all down, read the list a few times, and then burn it.” Not yet find courage make list. Spend much time, money try train dog relax.

Many have idea for best way help dog. One category persons tell Bigfoot distract dog with food, happy baby voice. Category two persons tell Bigfoot yell “no!” or growl in mother dog voice, grab skin of neck. Only one man fall into category three. This man tell Bigfoot bite dog on face.

BFOOT: (laughing, trying for sincerity) Ha ha ha

FACE BITER: Why ya laughing? That’s the only way they learn. How else is he gonna understand you?

BFOOT: You mean bite my dog on the face?

FACE BITER: That’s how we train all of our dogs, and they don’t give us no problems

BFOOT: But our trainer says any kind of punishment like that will only make him worse. I asked if I could spray water on him when he barks at the mailman. She said he’ll just start to associate the water with the mailman, and it will make him hate the mailman even more

FACE BITER: Yeah? Your trainer said that. Well, how’s that working out? Try it. He’ll be better in a week. Bite him pretty hard, right on the nose

BFOOT: Wow, okay. That’s cool! Thanks!

Not see Face Biter many months, forget exist. Today at pool, Face Biter walking toward Bigfoot. Big rush brain flood all stupid things Face Biter going to say regard Bubs’s diabetes. He’ll probably ask me if Bubs ate too much sugar. Probably work in something bad about Michelle Obama. Probably mention a special diet a friend of his uses instead of taking insulin.

1/3 of a Hershey bar (9g carbs) must be administered immediately before swimming

Nope. Face Biter not acknowledge Bigfoot presence.

Meanwhile, Bubs high every morning. Dr. Doughnut recommend increase Lantus 7 units, increase breakfast insulin 1:12. Okay. Three days try this, no help. Still high in morning. This a dawn phenomenon? The dawn phenomenon is the end result of a combination of natural body changes that occur during the sleep cycle and can be explained as follows. Between 3:00 a.m. and 8:00 a.m., your body starts to increase the amounts of counter-regulatory hormones (growth hormone, cortisol, and catecholamines). These hormones work against insulin’s action to drop blood sugars. The increased release of these hormones, at a time when bedtime insulin is wearing out, results in an increase in blood sugars. These combined events cause your body’s blood sugar levels to rise in the morning.

Or this Somogyi effect? The term refers to pattern of high morning sugars preceded by an episode of hypoglycemia (with no symptoms). Your blood sugar may drop too low in the middle of the night, so your body counters by releasing hormones to raise the sugar levels.

Either too many or too few Lantus unit, current bet on too few.

Bigfoot want family travel Children with Diabetes conference Philadelphia. It in March*. Sound wretched: spend day learn advanced pump technique, how use CGM, other dreary topic. But one night get free time, go out for dinner Philadelphia. Bigfoot imagine that part fun, maybe family so relieved escape diabetes miasma, really enjoy each other company. Bigfoot love feeling of trapped in conference but play hooky. Conference hotel have pool. Maybe meet other hooky family equally loathe diabetes topic, have great time, laugh so hard tears run down leg.

*It in February.

Hawkeye

Drama

Swim yesterday. Before swim: 301. After 45 minute–>120.

Swim today. Before swim: 267. After 85 minute–>73.

Blood sugar control like driving on icy road, guard rail one side/other side cliff. Smash into guard rail too much: car not work right–lose features: windshield wiper, defrost, headlight, stereo, brake. Do everything avoid hit guard rail. But if go close cliff side: fall off/die. So not want drive close that edge.

How far take metaphor? Just want stay on road, not hit anything. Sometimes feel steering work OK. But road so icy! Maybe black ice. Also, driver feel kind of drunk. Maybe contact lens have tiny tear, vision not sharp, keep rubbing eye, wish see better. Squint. Sometimes skid, sometimes important bolt come loose, steering wheel pop right off. Just like chicken not chicken final episode M*A*S*H (actually a ____!), this case car not car ( ______! ).

Bigfoot sure every diabetes person think of this already, but maybe if just eat/swim; eat/swim; eat/swim…not need pancreas?

Tonight Bubs cough a little bit, not act sick, but Bigfoot keep feeling forehead. Maybe getting sick. Dream Nurse say Bubs mention throat hurt in school, also have high blood sugar all day. Have trouble fall asleep. Bigfoot not want get all Munchausen, but if Bubs sick tomorrow/not go school, maybe swim all day with short break for snack, see what happen? Unless too sick for swim.

In Sweden news, Bigfoot travel Stoughton, Massachusetts with famous librarian for Ikea fabric/tiny spoons/giant mixing bowl (not available.) This 40 minute drive, feel like other planet. Come home, bake odd-Swedish-shape vegan chocolate banana breads. 25 grams carbohydrate per 1/24th recipe.

Bigfoot say other thing

Bigfoot sure this not right placement Pinterest button

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