09Apr / 2013

Once you go black…

Yesterday after school: no CGM. No clip case.

Left pocket? No. Right pocket? No. Back pocket? No. CGM inside Spibelt w pump? No. In backpack? No. Did you take it off? No. Did you have it when you got back to school after reading to the first graders? Yes. No. I don’t know. No. I’m not sure. Yes.

Dexcom G4 mirages are everywhere.

Official: CGM missing! Retrace steps. Bubs very sad. Very careful person, not accustomed misplace anything. (Unlike big brother on 17th water bottle/3rd lunch box of year.) Make signs, hang signs, Facebook whine, friends on walks look down/hunt, school janitors search under every desk (so kind!), school nurse (instead of go home @end of day!) telephone from path through woods between Bubs’s school + school where Bubs’s class read w. first graders. Hi, I’m just out here looking for Bubs’s CGM. You haven’t found it yet, have you? (Not yet.) I don’t want to get your hopes up, but I’m on that little path, and I think I might see something…nope. Sorry. Just another promising-looking pile of dog poo.

Bubs sad. Bigfoot try hide but sad too. Part of problem is: diabetes so much better w. Dexcom G4. Like sign name letterpress stationery w. Rotring pen vs. scrape name into newsprint paper susceptible tearing w. dried out Papermate (blue). Impossible not have Dexcom after experience Dexcom. Bigfoot dread long night sans Dexcom, not able imagine whole week or whole rest of the insurance year. Other part of problem is: Bigfoot think Dexcom G4 cost $17,000. Not sure how determine this imaginary amount; maybe because believe pump = $4000-$7000 and Dexcom G4 worth at least double-triple value pump. Pump is mechanical + algorithm. Dexcom G4 is magic. No offense, Mr. Ping.

I hope things turned out as well for Butterscotch.

Dip toe into reality. Bravely look online for price. See receiver about $500, transmitter about $600, sensors about $100. Deep breath. OK. Still have transmitter, sensors. Maybe can pay $500, replace receiver? Seem possible. Then friend tell Bigfoot one-time-only price for replace lost piece = $250. Sweet! Practically FREE compared to $17,000. Decide search more in morning, then order replacement.

No find in morning. School principal make big intercom announcement, Children, I have a very important announcement. Offer two coveted paw-of-pride stickers for person find CGM. Two paw stickers! But nobody find.

Meanwhile Bubs high all day, nurse call, Bigfoot decide bad site, go in for change, nurse get Bubs, Bubs feel sick, trace ketones, 400-ish BG, Bigfoot decide let’s just bag it, take Bubs home for site change/recover/smoothies.

Meanwhile meanwhile still kicking self. Promise next time different! More careful! Plan:

I will label the new Dex with name/phone number
I will add to that label some clever copy like please return. And this is medical equipment
I will get a better case. Not a clippy case. Another Spibelt, even though it will be harder to see the screen. Or a Flava Flav pendant
Or better yet! A neon yellow Tallygear thing to thread onto the Spibelt!
And I will cuddle it and love it and…
And then everything will be perfect forever

Call Dexcom. Replacement cost (one time only) = $199 + $28 overnight speed delivery for desperate data addict. Schwing! Bigfoot place order. Problem solved.

And then phone ring. Hello, I am calling about the medical device your son lost? BOOM. Dexcom G4 found by young hero! Bigfoot call Dexcom, cancel order. First make sure If we lose it again, which we won’t, but if we did, would we still be eligible for the $199 replacement? Answer = yes.

Love, love, love.

Through this adventure, Bigfoot realize much rather have Dexcom G4 than any item this list:

insulin pump
any car
Vitamix blender
Brazilian blowout
Frye boots

But DG4 also much less expensive than

same list

Gauche love electronic object so much. Forgive! Not just love data, not just love promise of sleep, also love feeling (realistic illusion?) of upper hand over D which is–at core–just love/protect child. Right? Maybe same rationale as person drive Hummer grocery store.

Permalink 31 Comments

14Dec / 2012

Boys’ Bathroom Presentation

Today unusual: Bigfoot no telephone. Last night forgot phone @temporary workplace, nurse send diabetes updates via email. If emergency, plan call Bigfoot Spouse school secretary for find Bigfoot Spouse. Nurse not usually communicate v. much during day; usually one email at end of day. But change in genre seem inspire extra nurse communication.

Hi Bigfoot, he was 45 feeling “low.” Juice. He is sitting out PE now & I’m going to re-test. He wanted to watch the PE class until we re-test. Thank you.

If that information come telephone, Bigfoot clarify: Wait, what? He’s going to walk down to the gym and watch the class while he recovers from the 45? And nurse would clarify: no, of course not. I would never let him leave my office at 45.

He was 119 @9:52. 10:20 = 75 (after PE). 41g we covered 31g, 1 unit, I hope that was ok, he was late for a boys bathroom presentation. Thank you.

If via phone: Wait, what? What is a boys’ bathroom presentation and why does it matter if he is late? How did all of this happen at the same time as PE?

And this

11:30 = 122
12:40 = 155 no lunch – he wasn’t hungry
2:40 = 203 20g 2.5u (they were having a tiny ~ 1.25 in. by 1.25in. brownie with a little frosting & 2-3 M&M’s on top) No way to look it up so hopefully 20g isn’t too far off!

If telephone, would call, ask if OK brownie, ask Bigfoot guess carbs. Someone else guess provide such relief. Bigfoot love not have phone.

After school Bubs I had a hard day. I was feeling low, but we were in music and it was really fun, and I just wanted to stay, so I stayed, and then I started to get really dizzy, so I said, “Help! I feel low. Just kidding!” because I still didn’t want to leave. But the teacher made me go to the nurse and I was 45.

What else? Then a kid teased me, and then all day I kept remembering the tease, and it hurt just as much to remember, so I kept getting hurt feelings over and over again.

BIGFOOT: I know what you mean

BIGFOOT SPOUSE: What did the kid tease you about?

BUBS: I don’t remember

BFOOT: Was it intelligence, appearance, odor, or personality? (<–asked as if there are just these four definitive teasing options)

BUBS: Maybe appearance

BF: Was it like, “Ugh, your hair’s so long,” or “Ew, you have a space between your teeth,” or “Look at you; you’re so skinny.” (<–that sounds mean, but those are all things B. actually likes about himself)

BUBS: I don’t remember, okay?

Yesterday 4:30PM same excellent nurse call Bigfoot for voice mail hi, Bigfoot, I’m at home thinking about Bubs’s numbers. He was 276 before dismissal, so he had a correction, but he was in the 90′s after lunch, and I know you’re not home so he was going to a friend’s house, and something about that just doesn’t seem right to me, so I thought you might want to call the friend’s house to double check on his numbers. I mean I know I’d feel much better if I knew you got his number, and could you please call me to tell me he’s okay? (Sorry Bigfoot not listen this message until 8PM.) (Right before leave phone under paper stack.) Bigfoot gobsmacked how kind, caring this nurse. Sorry for delay.

Meanwhile, class holiday party time around corner. Classroom mother email volunteers healthy snack, beverage w. cups or mini water bottle, beads, yarn. Bigfoot superfast reply-all “I’ll send in the beverage and it will be mini water bottles” try block possibility Hawaiian Punch, elbows out, center gravity low. Other parent super fast chime in “I’ll bring fruit salad for the snack!” ((Heart flutter.)) (In defense, Bigfoot not fond reply-all for class email style but this style prevail Bubs’s 4th grade and Bigfoot trying blend.)

Meanwhile meanwhile, Bigfoot/BSpouse expand babysitter repertoire. Now Dream T1D Teen Babysitter, Dream T1D Teen Babysitter II, BSpouse father. Therefore sometimes Bigfoot leave town work afternoon, plus movie date: Silver Linings Playbook, +20 minute drive there/back, car stereo repeat Locked Out of Heaven. Like dream. This all possible because Bubs know how/why/what/when.

Permalink 5 Comments

06Dec / 2012

Everything Wrong = NBD

I took this picture of myself fake-biting my nails to illustrate my anxiety. I’m really more of a cuticle biter/picker/pusher/ripper but that’s hard to get across in one iconic photo

Two wrongs not make right, but everything wrong maybe make.

7:30AM 95. Big morning bolus for normal oatmeal/maple syrup/milk breakfast: 6u.

8:30AM (It time drive school.) I’m hungry. That weird. Test: 350.

BIGFOOT: That’s weird. You’re super high. Could there be maple syrup on your fingers?

BUBS: (rubs fingertips to test for stickiness) I don’t think so. I think I…

BFOOT: Ooh. Did you enter the bolus for your breakfast?

BUBS: I don’t think so. I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!

BF: It’s my fault.

Explain I know you don’t like it when I hover over your pump, but we have to be more careful. (This not 1st time Bigfoot get too insulin-casual.) Bubs ashamed: I’m sorry! I’m an idiot! Etc. Bigfoot explain Bigfoot idiot. Then so wise, say “We’re not idiots, we’re just humans doing our best and this is how we learn.” (<–not actually say, but wish conjure equanimity for future.)

Eat small snack: one digestive biscuit. EzBG recommend 4.25u for 10g carbs (biscuit) + correction (hello). Bigfoot enter original 6u, because…wait, why do that again? Because think body not magically able metabolize carbs w/o full dose. But now think Bubs head for crash because insulin peak + carbs not line up correctly. Or think now…10g biscuit carbs not covered when already high…maybe should have been 7u. Or maybe should have been 4.25u as per EzBG, even though pump not know super blast oat/maple syrup carbs preparing emerge yonder belly.

Ugh. Drop off at school, Bubs cheerful, fine. Email nurse with could be high, could be low, very unlikely normal, yadda yadda, here what happen.

#1: I was imagining how angry I would be if someone other than me made this mistake; #2 is it insulting that I wasn’t positive she would know the expression TMI? Kind of like writing out id est, but then at least you’re making someone think you think they know Latin?

Meanwhile, notice not actually anxious. Know everything OK. Not fall into daydream/daymare of high BG dry out eyeball like raisin, not imagine glucose crystal rub artery like sandpaper. Not imagine ambulance blow past Bigfoot/emo dog while phone vibrate while get message ambulance for Bubs. Only imagine Bubs test snack time, correct high or low, or smile amazement if normal. Progress.

Meanwhile meanwhile, BG lately on good (wood knock) stretch, last night 4th consecutive sleep 6+ hours.

Breaking news!

OMG

But wait–there’s more!

This is real. Lucky, lucky day.

Permalink 11 Comments

22Oct / 2012

Notice.

Four22 inspire Bigfoot notice range emotions. Must read this.

Trepidation. 8PM 85. Think probably too much insulin dinner but also think last time 5g sip juice for 80’s at bedtime, skyrocket. Wait.

Acquiescent. 9PM I feel low. 88. Think probably dropping, need snack. Offer juice. Bubs say no. I don’t want that unless I’m actually low. Good night. Wait.

Rocking out with cock out. 10PM. 108. Think so good call on no-juice. Think big bravo for self. Slipper sock running man hallway dance.

Merry greed. 10:15PM. Think I’m going to watch an episode of Parenthood even though I don’t need to stay up tonight. Better make that two episodes.

Confident. 11:45PM. Think I might as well check on him before I fall asleep, just to see what beautiful number will come up next.

Trapped. 11:46PM. 249. Think I can’t un-see that. Correction.

Drowsy. 1AM. Think I’m sure he’ll be down by now. 246. Correction.

Lazy. 1:01AM. Think the site’s probably okay, because if it weren’t, he’d be even higher.

Resigned. 1:02AM. Fuck it. There’s no way I’ll get a functional person’s sleep, but at least I can enjoy the Bravermans.

Superior. 2AM. Parenthood Haddie/Amber so terrible hair-dos Season Three.

Relieved. 2:30AM. It finally time for re-test. Sure # will be down. 216.

Shame. 2:31AM. Only now realize this not merely ass pain for Bigfoot, this also serious bad health situation for Bubs. Sorry, Baby. Maybe this over-drama, but still cry when admit self take so long realize. Bigfoot forget whole point medical exercise.

Denial. 4AM. Think I feel fine! I don’t really need to sleep. I’m amazing! 186.

Exhaustion. 4:01AM. That under 200. Face plant & zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Crushed. 6:30AM. Bigfoot Spouse alarm ring—wretched ascending xylophone sound. 152. Correction + granola bolus.

Hollow. 6:45AM. Weigh granola. Are these really my hands? Pour small pitcher milk. We really drink a watery sauce from the glands of a cow?

Grateful. 6:55AM. Bubs do everything according plan, even though this first morning arrive school early for special science class, little bit of rush, not much leisure time Minecraft. Think he’s come a long way. He’s growing up. Think changes like this used to freak him out.

Disbelief. 7:20AM. Bubs refuse go.

Helpless. 7:25AM. Say but you told me to sign you up for this class. Bubs retort many, many insult e.g. I hate you! I only said I wanted to go to that class because I thought that’s what you wanted me to say. Take away Minecraft for week. Say you’ll have to pay Daddy and me back the $75 for the class if you won’t even try it. Just try it! If it’s terrible you never have to go back

Bewildered. 7:35AM. Now too late for be on time new class. Decide can’t let slide. Say if you won’t go to the class, we’ll just sit in the hallway. Just peek in.

Relieved. 7:40AM. Fine, I’ll go!

Embarrassed. 7:45AM. Really late. Also Bubs walk away while Bigfoot ask secretary science class location.

Stunned. 7:46AM. Stand stare at wall. Paralyzed. Think what can I do?

Hopeful. 8AM. Now extra really late. Bubs walk toward Bigfoot/classroom. Bigfoot peek in science class, try channel Kristina Braverman. Excuse me, I know we’re really late, but would it still okay to come in? Adorable friend recognize Bigfoot, fist pump yessssss!bubs-is-in-this-class. (Lip read.) Teacher: (so friendly) of course, come on in!

Humiliated. 8:00:05AM. Bubs not by Bigfoot side. Gone.

Vacant. 8:00:30AM. Science enrichment organizer teacher approach Bigfoot Where’s Bubs? Bigfoot not able explain emotional complex terrain. Say I think he’s feeling too embarrassed to go in because we’re so late.

Grace of God. 8:00:35AM. Organizer teacher say I’ll get him! Don’t worry. A lot of kids were late today. Spot Bubs waaaaay down hallway. Teacher wave arm for beckon hearty/smiley come on! Bubs comply. No eye contact Bigfoot as hand off backpack.

Beaten bloody pulp. 8:02AM As soon as gone begin bawling relief. Teacher return. Are you okay? Explain I’m so sorry. I’m not crying about this (<–lie). I was up all night and I guess I’m just really emotional. I’m sorry that I’m crying. Teacher so kind eyes say Aw, everything’s okay. Go home and get some rest. Bigfoot say thanks but then switch on full poor-me mode: I can’t leave yet because I have to stay until the regular school day starts because he has diabetes and the nurse isn’t here yet and I have to sit in the loh-ho-ho-hoh-lobby.

Acquisitive. 8:03AM. Sit on lobby bench, find tissue, wipe eyes, nose, try pull self together. See most amazing clogs walk by—bright red with glossy, vivid pattern on underside. Covet.

Love. 8:15AM School nurse approach Bigfoot crybaby bench. Are you okay? You can go home now—I’m here.

Depleted. 8:20AM. Home. So hungry can’t think what eat. Eat Justin’s Chocolate Hazelnut Butter, drink 2^nd pot tea.

Pressure. 8:25AM. Breakfast dishes/dog overly attentive because eager walk/two demands enough crush spirit. Walk dog.

Happy. 8:45AM. It beautiful day. Walk toward water. Windy.

I will kick your ass. 8:50AM. Picking up dog poop. Man in car pull over say something Bigfoot not hear, also hair blow over face, Bigfoot not see. Think probably friend stop say hello/but not close friend bc close friend know emotionally disturbed dog on leash preclude possibility conversation. Stand up from poop, empty hand push hair aside. It strange car, moustache old man inside licking lips, waggle eyebrows. Bigfoot picture rip car door open, punch face. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Grateful. 8:51AM. Walk dog near water. Dog love old bait smells. On bridge, rub face railings. Ecstatic dog.

Oh shit. 8:53AM. Jewelry designer car approach bridge! Bigfoot forget say meet 9AM. Wave, turn, begin run toward house.

Incontinent. 8:54AM. No smart two pots tea before run fast as can w. clogs/dog/poo.

Nauseated 8:55AM. No smart Justin’s Chocolate Hazelnut Butter large amount before run while carry long/swingy bread bag full hot dung.

Necklace-y. 9AM. Buy necklace artist friend. Bent silver wire + shrinky dinks, depict preferred Presidential candidate.

Stick a fork in me. 9:30AM. Put Bon Iver on repeat for dog relaxation therapy. Ready quit for day. Flop face down sofa, phone by head.

Oh shit! 9:45AM. We’re meeting the new endocrinologist today. Bigfoot forget about.

Relief. 9:46AM. Check calendar. Endo 4PM, plenty time for nap.

Insomnia. 9:47AM. Better take good nap so not insane for new endocrinologist in case Dr. Doughnut send warning note. So much pressure take nap, not able sleep. Also too much tea

Impatient. 9:48AM. Come one come on come on sleep.

Permalink 11 Comments

27Sep / 2012

Kill before betrayal

The guy on my kachunker/site change bag looks pissed.

School nurse call. While ago, Bubs think low. 294. Correction bolus. 319 before recess, 1 hour later. I thought you should know.

Although sure endocrinologist would say one hour not enough time determine if correction working…Bigfoot pedal to school, same time Bubs merrily dance down hallway, converge at lobby, enter office together. Another child in office, doing something with Arm & Hammer baking soda and paper cup. Nurse kick baking soda child out. You can come back in a few minutes. Okay, honey?

When Bubs pull down pants little bit for site change, Bigfoot hope nurse not looking. Even though really like nurse. Regular child bum no big deal. Little bum covered speckles medical injury feel too personal, too fragile. Parent eyes only.

Rewind pump. Change insulin cartridge. Meanwhile Nurse chatting Bubs, “Soon you’ll only have to wear a thing like a watch, and that will do all of this for you automatically.”

BUBS: Oh, no. I’d hate that—would it warn me before it poked? Or would it just be like CLICK! AAAAGH

NURSE: There won’t even be a poke. It’ll just be able to measure your glucose through your skin

BUBS: (Shrugs)

BIGFOOT: Like with vapors?

NURSE: And anyway, soon there will be a cure. Definitely in your lifetime. That’s a sure thing

The site that betrayed me.

Bigfoot similar: confident cure soon. But wonder why nurse think so. Not usually medical person make cure statement. Imagine online nook diabetes world never seen, except by this nurse. Pull off old site–no angry pink/red/humpy, no kink, but little bit seepage clear-ish blood-ish fluid—white zinfandel of body fluid. Quease.

Know site malfunction rooted in desire cling. Bigfoot wish keep this site forever: two consecutive nights gorgeous performance: asleep 102, awake 113. For example. Wake up, feel million buck. Why site suddenly quit? Too old. Site give up. Fill w. white zinfandel. Everything ephemeral. No use cling.

Nurse call again hour after site change, Bigfoot not include pretzel sticks on carbs list. Srsly? Every day write salami zero, cheese zero, pretzel sticks twenty, granola bar fourteen…

BIGFOOT: Sorry, the pretzels are twenty

NURSE: And he’s down to 201, so the new site seems to be working fine

BIGFOOT: Oh goody

Whenever something start working, feels like ease into cool water on hot day. Such relief. No more feel agitated, feel like I think I’ll make a peanut butter and jam sandwich and read Malcolm Gladwell’s article about Jerry Sandusky. Must remember: not grow too fond this infusion site, even if BG in sweet spot 70-120 48 full hours. After 48 hours kill it. Remember. Quit while functional.

Yesterday read Gary Scheiner’s column DiaTribe newsletter, about two ways diabetes ruins a life. Bigfoot definitely more toward 2nd sort of ruined. Probably every parent in online community same.

Permalink 8 Comments

24Sep / 2012

Garbage

Another tantalizing lunch

Bigfoot in GapKids, purchase loud corduroy skinny jeans for handsome sons. School nurse call mid credit card swipe. As if desire maximum drama, Bigfoot tell clerk, “I am so sorry. I think I have to answer this phone call. It’s just that it’s my child’s school nurse!” So graceful prevent self from utter and he has Type One diabetes! Anything could be happening! Kelly green skinny cords will just have to wait!

NURSE: Hi, Bigfoot? Everything’s okay

BIGFOOT: Oh good. Thanks. Hi

NURSE: We have a question. Bubs doesn’t like his sandwich, and he doesn’t want the apple, and he ate everything else at snack. I tried to get him interested in this oatmeal raisin, oatmeal raisin Quaker…this big oatmeal raisin thing that I have here in my office…for some reason? But he didn’t want it. And so I offered him some saltines. I said ‘are you sure you don’t want to just nibble on some saltines?’ He says he’ll just have water so I wanted to ask you what you think of that

BIGFOOT: I think it’s fine if he doesn’t eat. I mean, it’s weird, and he’ll be hungry, but he’ll be OK without lunch

NURSE: Oh, okay. I thought that’s what you’d say. I just wanted to make sure

Now Bigfoot wonder: there some medical reason saltine + insulin better than nothing + nothing? Try read between nurse lines. Bigfoot science, probably better go w. nothing. Maybe saltine better if ketones + sick/unable eat normal food. There some reason bolus/food better than no bolus/no food? It not koan.

Every day entire life/3 weeks Bubs have same lunchbox: pretzel sticks (20g CHO), salami (0g), cheese (0), small apple (10g), 2 Gummyvites (4g), tube yogurt (10g), granola bar (14g), water (0). Bubs eat every bite except small apple, apple return home, eat apple for snack. Today Bigfoot trade PB w/Justin’s Chocolate Hazelnut sandwich for pretzel sticks + cheese, also put in Stonyfield Farm probiotic smoothie (23g) in place tube yogurt. Think so fun Mommy! Whimsy!

No whimsy. Destruction. Bubs arrive home ravenous, unwilling try on skinny cords. Sandwich in trash. BG fine: 113. Normal people hungry.

Meanwhile, tomorrow Dr. Doughnut for quarterly check up. Test strip issue now irrelevant: cheat on Coro, pediatrician write Rx for 1 million strips + Bigfoot make plan w/New Endo for October. But too curious A1c postpone. Preparation suck-up Bigfoot rewrite 2 weeks data so tidy, no fiction, still think strip not excessive, hope Dr. Doughnut will read. Maybe will say, “Your work is exemplary,” “You should be a role model for parents worldwide,” or “You look so thin, are you sure you’re getting enough rest?”

Permalink 8 Comments

29Aug / 2012

Fury

REJECTED: Somewhere between last night and 8AM, adorable sandwiches of Cheez-it and peanut butter got kicked off of the irresistible snacks list. 2g CHO each.

Wake up 65, ready eat breakfast. Deep breath. First up: 8g CHO restorative juice. Roll right into 34g CHO food. Bigfoot Spouse decide wait for bolus until after eat, enter 65 for BG, 42 total carbs. Get significantly reduced dose for low BG. That seem fine.

One Phineas y Ferb later, Bubs hungry again. Time for school OK something quick: cracker peanut butter? Chocolate milk? Nahhh, I only want toast. Not have bread. I guess I don’t need anything then. Sure not want chocolate milk? (Bigfoot think so generous offer.) No, I don’t really want anything. Hug dog goodbye. Get on bike. Cheerful.

On ride (< 1 mile), crazies begin. Why are you so mean to me? Get away from me!

BIGFOOT: (to Bubs’s back) Are you sure you don’t mind riding by yourself?

BUBS: (loops around on bicycle) Oh, and by the way…(punches Bigfoot bicycle basket)

BIGFOOT: (to Bubs’s rapidly departing back) Hey, okay. I’m sure you’ll be okay

BUBS: (loops around on bicycle) If I weren’t on a bike, I’d KICK you (pedals off into the distance)

BIGFOOT: Okay. I’m going back home. I’ll walk Butter, so I’ll be right here on the street if you need me

BUBS: (yelling) I don’t care!

BFOOT: You sure you know they way to go, which side to ride on?

BUBS: (loops around on bicycle) I’m sorry Mommy! I’m sorry! Please will you still ride with me?

BFOOT: Sure

I took this picture before I learned that taking a picture indicates that you hate the person in the picture and are a jerk.

As begin ride together, Bubs switch back to Why are you so mean to me? You’re always taking my picture and I HATE it. It’s because you hate me. Why do you always have to be such a jerk? I hate you and I hate Daddy and I hate Butter. Jacky is the only one who’s ever nice to me.

Bigfoot just listen, realize must be BG issue, because so irrational say Jacky nicest. Get almost to school before tirade end. Bubs begin make left turn, Bigfoot say whhhhhoa there’s a car. Car (maybe driven by friend?) stop in time, not too drama, not screech brake, but Bubs obviously careless. Bigfoot mouth SORRY! in direction driver seat, difficult see though tinted window. Pedal rest of way bike rack not talk. Bigfoot stand under tree near bike rack. Think how suggest check blood sugar without piss off more. Wait see if Bubs come over for hug/parting insult.

Bubs come for hug, ask for help fit helmet in backpack. Bigfoot ask why don’t we do a quick sugar check over at the picnic table? Approach gingerly. Feel like try feed wild rat small crouton, but less disgusting + more necessary. Bubs acquiesce. I’m sorry Mama. At picnic table, Bubs test but get Error message. Oh boy. Pink One Touch Mini really asking for it! Bubs try throw meter, Bigfoot catch before hit ground. (Skillz.) Fine! I’m never going to test again! Forget it! Storm off toward school entrance. Cross crosswalk without wait for crossing guard OK signal. Hear crossing guard say, “Good morning! Next time make sure you wait for my signal before crossing, okay?” See Bubs trudge into building, head down, angry shoulders.

Bigfoot Choose Your Own Adventure* story include:

1. Go into building too, suggest visit nurse for BG check (but since he’s already pissed off at me, that might enrage him, and he might yell at me in front of his classmates, and then be embarrassed forever and/or get a reputation for being a public freaker-outer)

2. Call nurse, ask nurse visit Bubs before class begin for BG check (but that might turn him against the new nurse, also might give the nurse a bad impression that will haunt him all year)

3. Trust Bubs will ask help if feel low (even though riding his bike in front of a car and crossing the school driveway without following the crossing guard’s rules demonstrate a lack of self-care?) and if grouch because high, nurse will catch at normal 10AM-ish pre-snack check

Bigfoot choose #3.

It’s a wash? He missed 1/2 hour of class, but learned to feel low and ask for help in a new school.

10AM nurse email.

MORAL OF STORY COULD BE: a diabetic child who is hungry for toast in a house with no toast should be strongly encouraged to choose a different food.

OR: a hypoglycemic child who is feeling crummy will eventually ask for help and it is okay to back off and let them figure it out

OR: don’t roll right into breakfast with a BG under 70

OR: don’t include the restorative juice in the carb count, even for an EzBG

OR: please be less dumb

Permalink 25 Comments

15Aug / 2012

School school

Last year, Big Bird on juice was considered an insult to one’s manhood. Why are there no eensy-weensy juice boxes to enhance the tough guy’s image? And the Luna Bar tagline—forget it.

Bigfoot not remember what equipment school require. With pump, not much. Right? Maybe wrong. But not need insulin vial, back up insulin vial, insulin pen, needle tips, back-up syringe. Nurse/Bubs never do site change, new insulin, etc. Think only need chuck couple things in bag.

Bubs so excited for school. First time will have man teacher, also know some friends same class. It’s like…I feel actually happy that school is starting!

When Jack 4th grade, winter time indoor recess this man play floor hockey, use roll masking tape for puck, Jack think this man among nicest human being in world. And he wears his shirts unbuttoned like this: (holds neck of shirt open like Larry from Three’s Company); and he has baseball day, where all you do is watch a Red Sox game and eat junk food!

BUBS: Well that stinks! Baseball is the most boring game to watch, and I can’t just sit around eating junk food—

JACK: You could just have some popcorn and maybe one cupcake

BIGFOOT: (Smiles beatifically)

Getting reacquainted with the Multiclix and the mini.

Fun see old school chums: black Multiclix, blue One Touch Mini, weird green camo Eli Lily freebie bag every T1 kid have. Make sure in working order. Yup. 109.

Bubs order 2nd Spibelt, perfect for carry emergency meter/glucose when ride bike. Black Spibelt w black zipper for pump, black Spibelt red zipper for emergency pack. Fourth grade Bubs also carry own meter/sugar or keep in desk. For practice independence.

Meanwhile, some neighborhood grapevine news. Last night child Bigfoot family not know, (or if know, not yet know know) receive diagnosis. Last night in hospital, maybe IV, maybe listening “corn is vegetable” dietician advice, maybe Dr. Doughnut insisting child complete word search of PANCREAS and KETONES before allow discharge? Maybe parents cry. Maybe father accidentally pee in hat blocking toilet. Maybe mother try figure out how many carbs in Au Bon Pain red velvet cupcake (Bigfoot think remember: 75g). Maybe child cry I’d rather die than get another injection! Maybe father hold down arms while mother pull down pants little bit and inject. Maybe nurse call boy wrong name, then apologize. Maybe boy order macaroni and cheese from hospital cafeteria, move around on plate show nurse how much think can eat for carb count. Maybe CDEs all leave for Camp Surefire, tell family That’s some timing! I’m sorry no one will be here to answer your questions! Next year he can come to camp! and mother think shouldn’t they cancel the camp so someone will be here to help us? Maybe boy say why would I want to go to camp with a bunch of diabetes people?

This sad news, of course very sad. But also…exciting. Should be ashamed admit, when Bigfoot share news with Bubs, hard to restrain smiling. Child will attend same school, but one year OLDER. Child is BOY. So selfish happy for this boy join diabetes club. Not wish on anyone. Of course not wish. But happy not alone.

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14Aug / 2012

Belly Site Redux (SUCCESS)

Beach camp Day 2: a genuine Inset 30 belly site is under the rash guard of the swift, green person.

First day tummy site. Holla.

Guess because new, for Bigfoot Bubs’s belly site look super creepy. Little bit stomach flip when plug/unplug seventeen times at beach camp* today—something about skin thinness/visible viscera (six pack)/awareness textural difference near belly button make seem more…anatomical fleshy/bloody? Whereas on bum, site seem more like a sticker on very pale cardboard box.

Today new beach camp friend (age 7) notice something fishy/ask, Wait. What is that?

BUBS: Never mind. It’s just like a kind of a sticker

NEW FRIEND: No. I mean: what’s it for?

BUBS: I can’t really get into that right now

BIGFOOT: (extending rash guard to Bubs) Now do you want to wear this?

NFRIEND: (to Bigfoot) So, what is it?

BIGFOOT: Well, Bubs has Type 1 diabetes, and so he needs medicine, and the medicine goes through a little tube that’s stuck on with that sticker

NF: No. I mean, what’s that plastic piece you’re putting into the sticker thing?

BUBS: It’s a clip

NF: What’s the clip for?

BUBS: For swimming

BIGFOOT: (Gallantly stepping in to explain) It’s ok for him to take the medicine off to swim, but he usually clips the little tube closed to keep, I don’t know, grit from getting into it

NF: …and to keep the medicine from falling out

BFOOT: I don’t think the medicine would fall out exactly, but maybe some sand might get in there

NF: It would fall out. And the sand would taste terrible. And the salt water would taste worse

BF: It would? To the stomach? The stomach could taste that?

NF: Nods solemnly. Yes

BUBS: I don’t think the stomach would taste anything, but I think I’d get a very, very, VERY bad stomach bug or flu, right Momma?

BIGFOOT: No, I don’t think so—

Bubs/NF run into waves before complete fake epidemiology course.

*This summer learn call ordinary thing “camp” = seem more fun plus make possible endure entire day. If say, “We’re going to the beach for the day,” everyone cry, “Nooooooo.” If say, “Beach camp starts today!” Everyone say, “Yaaaaaay! Beach camp!” Until Beach Camp Day 2. Then cry noooo but come around.

+++++

Earlier this day, meet new school nurse. So kind. But kick off meeting w. downer: more than double # of kids in new school as last year, still just one nurse, nurse very, very busy, probably not able provide as much attention as last year. Bigfoot heart begin sink.

Then nurse show Bigfoot spreadsheet devised for keep diabetes notes, very detailed, also each day (If it’s okay with you) at minimum test BG before snack, before recess, before lunch, before gym, and before send home for day. And also of course whenever he feels low. Five minimum! Good.

Then ask if Bigfoot want nurse administer combo bolus or dual wave 80-20/60-40 for lunch. Not sure, think maybe nurse throw around big girl lingo for showing off? Bigfoot say no, because rarely use combo bolus feature, think too complicated determine when use if not see exactly what Bubs eat. Nurse explain last year T1D parent always request combo bolus for cafeteria pizza. This nurse bitchin!

Then mention Bigfoot need create emergency pack for Music, Library, Art, Gym, Technology, Fire Drill, maybe some other activity Bigfoot already forget. Sound overwhelming but then huge relief “emergency pack” only = glucose tabs in Ziploc bag.

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22Jun / 2012

After School Clean Up

Step-by-microstep instructions for using the Luxura pen, written by our school nurse for her sub. “…and gently rub area of injection.” It would have been an arm.

We were so excited to get the giant Luxura insulin pen in its fancy 1950′s case. When the pump came, the school nurse taped the case closed, but saved it (and one cartridge of insulin in her mini-fridge) in case of a lock-down or other impossible-to-imagine emergency.

100 days of carb lists. I put them in the recycling after taking this picture. I started saving them to give my husband ideas for what to pack when I went away, and then I couldn’t stop.

Last day of school June 21st. Sift through papers, medicine bag, lunch list collection. See relics diabetes past make bruise on heart.

This is a bottle of glucose tabs I didn’t know existed. B’s teacher kept it in her desk.

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