A Week in Hits and Misses

High carb low carb high brow no brow. Our week in bread and “bread.”

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Everyone liked it. This is rare.

Cauliflower crust pizza:

This magazine. I am in love. I carry it around with me. Maybe the most noteworthy loveable thing is that very little crud-flour is used in its recipes. It leans, but is not, low-carb; it leans, but is not, paleo. Soulmates!

But this magazine is hard to find and has only 400-something Facebook likes. Tough crowd.

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You like it, right? No pressure. Maybe 2g CHO/slice? I don’t know. My person was like…78 mg/dL at the time so I didn’t bother.

When I made the successful crust (previous cauliflower crust pizzattempts tasted nice but required knife+fork eating), I did it like this*: Heat oven [with pizza stone inside, if you have one] to 450. Grind up 9.5 oz. cauliflower florets [my cauliflower was big enough to make three crusts] in the Cuisinart, as if making cauliflower rice. Mix in (by hand) (in a bowl) a generous pinch of salt, one egg, and 1/2+ c grated asiago or whatever hard, Italian cheese you have. On a pizza peel lined with parchment, pat, press, and shape the cauliflower-egg-cheese mixture into a circle or oval about 1/4″ thick. Slide this blank crust on to the hot pizza stone (if using) and bake for about 20 minutes, or until it is golden brown around the edges. Top the baked crust with a very thin layer of pizza sauce, a scattered bit of grated cheese, basil leaves, roasted onions, whatever. Just not too much of anything. Bake 10-15 minutes more, or until the cheese is melted. Slice. Eat.

Love + easy.

I would like to try making this with broccoli. <–Reminder to self.

If you should see this elusive magazine, I think you should buy it.

If you see this elusive magazine, I think you should buy it.

NB Since the oven is cranked up to 450, might as well roast a giant sheet pan of peppers, onions, mushrooms, whatever. To eat with the pizza.

*Even though the magazine is my soulmate, it instructs the cook to make the crust directly on the pizza stone, which to me screamed TOO HARD TO CLEAN.

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No like.

Against the Grain Gourmet bagels

While preparing this bagel yesterday morning, I noticed a hot toasted fart odor in the vicinity of the toaster. I covered the toasted bagel with cream cheese, capers, and a fragrant layer of smoked salmon. Jack bit into it. It’s good! Then I’m sorry. Stared at plate. I’m sorry, I can’t eat that. Left table. There may have been a tear in his eye. It’s just such a waste of smoked salmon.

Child #2 toasted half and spread it with cream cheese. I like it! Second bite it tastes a little bit like blood! Third bite it’s good. Fourth bite is it made with chicken? And then I’m sorry. I can not eat this.

Udi’s Classic French Dinner Rolls

A hit! Bonus: just 15g CHO each. Bonus #2: shelf-stable. These were used for egg-bacon sandwiches. Boys liked them in a GF way. (I.e. Was barely noticeable. Did not taste like blood or chicken.) Could be good as a hot dog bun.

Cooling after baking. Smells like real bread.

Cooling after baking. Smells like real bread.

English Muffins and Chocolate Chip Cookies from How Can It Be Gluten Free?

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Out of the toaster. Smells great, looks great, texture feels right. Jam shot below.

Wow, I like this book. The only things people might not like about it are: pretty much everything contains dairy and eggs. Also sugar.

The storage process is a little bit high-maintenance. That's okay. Nothing but the finest for my little darlings. Probably all English muffins should be stored in multiple layers, and I'd just never bothered to learn about that before.

The storage process is a little bit high-maintenance. That’s okay. Nothing but the finest for my little darlings. Probably all English muffins should be stored in multiple layers, and I’d just never bothered to learn about that before.

So far I have made the English muffins and the chocolate chip cookies. (No photo. They were here and gone.) Everyone loved both. Happy! While making the cookies, I listened to Terry Gross interview the book’s authors. (<–More fun!)

And once you’ve made a giant batch of the book’s all-purpose flour blend, following the recipes isn’t very different from normal people baking.

An unexpected fun thing in the book is the GF product reviews. Example: This bread didn’t just taste like “cardboard.” It was “flat” and “dense,” like a “coaster.”

Every GF home deserves a vehicle for jam.

Every GF home deserves a vehicle for jam.

 

Whenever you feel shitty, that’s ’cause of gluten.

 

 

Bigfoot say other thing

Bigfoot sure this not right placement Pinterest button

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