This photo serves as proof that we went to Maine, and not just to a mental torture chamber.

It nothing new. Diabetes insult feel fresh today. Bigfoot family visit Portland, Maine–one night.

Wish took photo huge-ass apple danish Bubs select from hotel breakfast assortment. Nasty, glistening apple filling. Calorie King seem suggest 65g carbs normal danish. This danish seem XL, extra menace. Bolus for 70g before first bite. Hate think this food enter tiny no-insulin body. Big bolus. HUGE bolus.

Drop danish floor 2/3 through. Two-thirds or closer one-half? Squint at/measure use pi radius squared, but not sure original radius/also irregular shape not true circle. Bubs full anyway. But Bigfoot believe need make up carbs on floor instead of belly. Very science. Bigfoot not want encourage Bubs eat menacing apple danish, try get eat actual apple. Hotel apple = red delicious = worst variety apple/thick, bitter skin. Two bites red delicious apple not = pastry on floor. Try drink milk. (Blech.) How about a banana? (Bubs make angry face for reply.)

One Morning in Maine. It was much, much gorier in situ.

Leave breakfast, so uneasy. Bubs changing into swimsuit for dip in miniscule hotel pool. Not want discourage exercise/play, but this seem dangerous. Meanwhile remind Bubs unclip pump, see site. Bloody goopy ick site. Call spouse over for inspect, as if know something Bigfoot not know. Do you think any insulin even got through that mess? Bigfoot spouse probe area for tactile measure lost insulin unit, pronounce there’s definitely something going on. Bigfoot rapid fire I know but do you think that big bolus for the danish got in? Or half? Or none? And should we let him swim? Should I give him more insulin now so that danish doesn’t…

Determine Bubs either way too much, way too little insulin. Determine no way determine which true. Post cry for help Facebook. Smart parents  say just test, test, test. Prepare for drag limp body from pool/carry ketone person into ER. Three hours later: 195.

195! Almost normal. Fuck a duck.

Infuriate! Clogged (?) bloody site block almost exactly correct amount excess insulin, match danish on floor? Not feel lucky. Not feel blessed. Not feel grace of God. Just feel pissed off. If 450, could learn so when the site looks all bloody, on a going-forward basis, I will consider it clogged. If 110, could learn so when the site looks all bloody, on a going-forward basis, I will not assume it is clogged.

Meanwhile, Portland so nice. See cousins. Find Pinecone and Chickadee shop. Also 40% off everything Patagonia outlet. Not nature. Only city/shop/boats. Molasses ice cream. Bubs and Jack watch Dr. Who on drive home. Bigfoot not familiar Dr. Who, but know smart people children enjoy this program. Can list so many very nice factor this trip, overshadow by apple danish freak out.

this was a picture of deb selling bracelets to napoleon dynamite

This is how my dog has to wear his hair now.

Diabetes Blog week =  fun. Now Bigfoot feel so deflated; seems part of brain thought at end of DBWeek, D end too; instead it keep going and going and going.

Saddest prepare trip Portland ever. Bigfoot tired, sad, afraid, eat too much greens/yumm sauce, feel all sick/garlicky, need pack trip, dog bad haircut try fix with side ponytail—look like Deb from Napoleon Dynamite, try packing. Step one: boys swimsuits-underwear in bag. Lose track step two when Bigfoot Spouse pack crazy LL Bean hibachi wedding gift for return at LLB HQ, then overwhelm: how remember toothbrushes so many people and extra test strips and everything else and cooler for insulin or did make sure hotel room have minibar? And how pack clothing for self when so full yumm + garlicky sick + tired, sick everything.

Bedtime, reading Wonder out loud, each boy in own bedroom; Bigfoot sit in hallway on rug. Like dog! Windows open because hot, hear persons begin set off fireworks on cove.

BIGFOOT: Oh, is that thunder?

JACK: I think it’s fireworks for Veteran’s Day

BUBS: No Jack. In two days it’s Memorial Day

JACK: So today is Veteran’s Day. Right, Mom? Or maybe it’s a serial killer

BUBS: Ahh!

JACK: Mom, do you think it’s a serial killer?

BIGFOOT: Nope

BUBS: Why did Jack say that?! What if we die tonight?

BIGFOOT: I don’t think that’s gonna happen

BUBS: But it could be a serial killer!

BIGFOOT: It’s some bozos* on the cove, setting off fireworks two days early

JACK: Come on, let’s read

BIGFOOT: (not say out loud) if it’s serial killer, I might as well not figure out what to pack

We all love this book. 

Finally read more Wonder. Everyone quiet. Last night Jack sleep at friend’s house. Feels nice all back together. Everyone falling asleep. Bigfoot feel begin relax tiny bit, then everyone start asking for eczema lotion, as if have five-six-maybe-seven children, so noisy, and then Bigfoot remember forgot ask endocrinologist if eczema big problem for diabetes person, seem kind of auto-immune-ish, also slow heal scracthy spots if high blood sugar? and then remember forget sign Jack up for camp, and then remember this not first trip w/diabetes; just went Vermont few weeks ago. Not so difficult pack. Actually no problem at all. Why so hard this time? Like drag brain through molasses try remember what need bring.

Useful exercise when everything feel so futile. What would you say to a friend who described feeling this way? Obvious Bigfoot tell friend: sleep/try again in morning/no drama/Maine is nice.

(*Because Bigfoot such good parent, say “bozos” for BLEEEEPs when speak young children)