While organizing Lego, you may find your collection is 15% medical waste. You should probably sift those bits out.
Tag Archives: Lego
Belly Fail
To thank you for inviting us to your beach house, the people of my country ceremonially scatter the entryway with used test strips and dog poo bags (unused). Try to think of them as rose petals, or leis.
2AM check new site: 419.
C’est impossible! Belly site legendary effective insulin entry. Dutiful Bigfoot inject correction syringe. (Arm.) 3u—fuzzy math. ISF 100 or 80? I am so tired. I think I need a calculator for this. It’s so sad that I’m too tired to remember there’s one on my phone. Either way maybe OK. (419-240=179. 419-300=119. Uhhhhh. OK?)
Obvsly, this not medical advice. 400+ require test ketones. Did not. No speck of this medical. Pretty much wish, kiss, wink sub in for science this night.
Begin prepare change site. Arm poke wake Bubs little bit. Belly site still on, but unplug.
BUBS: Hey! There’s a site stuck on my tummy. What’s that doing there?
BIGFOOT: Oh, that’s just the old one. You’re high so I’m changing your site. Sorry I woke you. I guess the old one got stuck there. That’s funny (It could be true. Pretty much true)
BUBS: Aw, I thought I finally got a site on there, but it’s just the sticker?
BFOOT: (…)
BUBS: (points finger straight over head and speaks very forcefully) TELL JACKY TO PUT IT IN THE PEACH TREE
BFOOT: (…) Are you asleep?
BUBS: (normal voice) I wish you’d done the new site in my belly while I was sleeping. Then I’d get ten dollars!
BF: Okay, well, maybe the next time you need a new site, The Belly Fairy will come to visit and leave ten dollars under your pillow
BUBS: Or how about a small Lego set? Like a $13 set
BF: That’ll be up to the Fairy
BUBS: Or one of those Star Wars planet ball sets? They’re $10
BF: Do you even like those?
BUBS: (Shrugs. Falls back to sleep)
I made this guide to insertion angles for reference. Courage!
Subterfuge: got away with whole pie! Dishonesty pay off. Not only Bubs suggest with own brain/mouth same plan Evil Bigfoot hatch w/o permission, also create new imaginary gift-giving character: Belly Fairy. Could also visit for belly button piercing, appendectomy, late-term circumcision, PRN.
Peel off “old site” that “got stuck” tummy. Examine for defect. Forensic study reveal this site fail because Bigfoot too timid w kachunker angle: cannula skim along skin surface. Not penetrate. Dang.
When try again, need bolder angle.
Pack for FFL: 1st attempt
Warning: this not interesting. Only not want lose/maybe good reference for next time. This what Bigfoot think need for five nights in Orlando. Using one small wheelie bag + one additional carry-on per person.
For Bubs:
PSP/charger/headphones/games
Lego magazine
3 swimsuits
goggles
4 Bermuda shorts
2 sports shorts
2 pr. pants
6 T-shirts
1 long sleeved T-shirt
1 Lacoste shirt (=formal wear)
7 pr. underpants
stuffed animal (to be selected)
Nicholas book (which one?)
Disney lanyard w/ collectible pins (can not find!)
For Bigfoot:
computer, case, cord (I said I’d work–I already think that was dumb)
phone, case, charger, headphones
The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-time Indian
3 swimsuits
5 sundresses
2 skirts
2 T-shirts
2 pr. shorts
underwear, bras
ball fringe heels
sunhat, sunglasses
contact lenses + accoutrements
eyeglasses
Tylenol with codeine
Ativan
cosmetics
deodorant
razor
nightie
mommy cards for Bigfoot
necklaces
one bangle
one watch
Sharpies + drawing paper
ponytail holders
For both:
Boarding passes
photo ID
TSA diabetes regulations
letter to TSA from Dr. Doughnut
1 share-able better sweater
1 UNO game
toothbrushes, pastes, shampoo, sunscreen, hairbrush
cash money
credit cards
coupon for free Legoland admission
insurance cards
HSA credit card
AAA card
Lego VIP card
baseball cap
Packed for Diabetes
10 kachunkers
10 tubings
10 cartridges
current vial insulin
unopened vial insulin
spare unopened vial insulin
Lantus
frio pack
little cooler
30 syringes
alcohol swipes, IV prep pads, adhesive-dissolving pads, hand wipers
175 test strips
Ping meter
spare meter
pump batteries
meter batteries
spare meter batteries
finger pricker + lancets
spare finger pricker
glucagon set
Starbursts
mini luna bars (box)
granola bars (box)
headlamp
pen + record chart
ziplocs
Suddenly Tomorrow
Like a kid in a candy store! Lego individual blades of grass–among other exotic pieces–lead to an insane amount of sedentary play, and to disastrous blood sugar unless your parent realizes it’s her responsibility to remind you to move periodically
Lego store like penny candy store: fill little tub from pretty-color bins. Also like candy store because cause high blood sugar. When Lego so much fun, child only want sit still/play quietly inside own head. Enter state of flow. Quiet for hours. Bigfoot insatiable greed for quietude. Therefore very much sit still this thunderstorm day.
Today huge difference yesterday–in terms activity. TODAY Bubs’s activity include Lego, Minecraft, reading, Madagascar 3 . Also coughing. YESTERDAY: soccer, swim, boogie board, dig hole, chase seagull, kadima, jackpot, pickle, rescue clam named Phil. Bigfoot important scientific discovery: insulin not work for shit in sedentary person.
After lunch bolus, ask Bubs jump around. Say you don’t really have to work up a sweat or anything, just don’t sit down for a while. OK. Bubs game. Bubs want insulin work too–begin series tai chi moves, yoga poses. Grow ponderous in modified dog pose don’t you hate it when people spell “kids” with a Z to try to make something seem fun? Bigfoot agree, add and what if it’s a kidZZZ club, but they spell “club” with a K? Bubs so disgusted this thought, come up from pose reveal horrified face.
Slow mo all over kitchen, controlled arm movement, slow steps and as the cheeseburger enters the bun, the sun comes up over the ketchup, and the dog finds a noodle narrating moves in Bob Ross voice. Insulin still not work. So many corrections, for example 358; correction. 316, oh how kind of you to make effort, correction; 269, why thank you again, how about try a little harder next time? Correction. 277. Insulin work ALMOST NOT AT ALL on rainy day.
Then sun come out. Then Bigfoot Spouse come home. Stir-crazy Bigfoot leave for run, Bubs and Bigfoot Spouse play basketball. As if all corrections stored up in one square inch bum decide emerge in one whoosh after basketball game: finally, BG normal. Then BG low. Want throttle someone. Not sure who.
Tomorrow see Dr. Doughnut Coro Center 9:30AM. This date creep up on Bigfoot, feel like try lose 5-8 lbs. before own annual physical, then sun rise on day of physical, no place hide. A1C situation not really so similar because Bigfoot never actually try lose weight. Try so hard good A1C.
This A1C going to suck. Bigfoot know. Not pessimism. Fact. So many BG over 200, over 300. Know more recent weeks count more toward A1C, even more recent weeks suck.
Aha! 65 at bedtime. Please let this count extra lot. Dr. Doughnut not consider 65 Official Low but even Dr. Let Me Take My Chances On the Wall of Death Doughnut advise bedtime snack if under 70. So not treat as low, merely low-ish for time of day: peanut butter cracker, half glass milk. Bubs snuggle under duvet after snack, eyelids heavy. Smack lips, I love being low.
BFOOT: Whaaaat?
BUBS: I love being low. I mean, it feels bad, but I get a tasty snack
BFOOT: But you know you can always have a tasty snack anyway (that not true–would never let eat in bed for normal people snack)
BUBS: I know, but the taste is just so tasty at night in bed
If this were an endocrinologist’s supply closet, and these were the colors for complimentary Multiclix, I’d be all over the kelly green. In real life those are blades of grass Lego, and they are pure evil.
Bigfoot love Dr. Doughnut but dread tomorrow. Dread A1C. Dread whole thing except for if can score new free Multiclix because jammed up favored marine blue one with sand yesterday.
Also dread what if Bigfoot ever-so-casual ask Dr. Doughnut if think cough sound worth inspection and Dr. Doughnut slam clipboard down on exam table, say I am so sick of you leeches! I’m his goddamn endocrinologist, not his pediatrician! Get a fucking clue! Or what if Bigfoot ask I heard something about a letter I should have for air travel with the pump? and what if Dr. say Ask a fucking nurse! God! No wonder his A1C is 17. You are such an IDIOT. Better ask for complimentary Multiclix first.
*******
NB: I should also have said that we love our endocrinologist. She is really very kind. These mean conversations are strictly limited to my imagination. My metabolism runs on anxiety.
Birthday
March 13th dinner at Sushi Express: I tried to give out Lego minifigures for dessert instead of birthday cake. Not recommended.
Bubs nine now. Happy Lego. Sushi Express dinner. Avocado maki. Miso soup. Green tea ice cream tempura, “9″ candle, Chinese Sushi Express owner sing happy birthday song. Happy.
Today Wednesday; no school. Bubs attend huge birthday party brother/sister twin friends. Bigfoot sit in sunshine, deck, host and hostess so nice, bring water/pizza/chocolate pretzel/plenty cheez doodle. Bigfoot work little bit. Mostly worry. Carb(how much?)-injection(guess)-running around(low?)-cake (high?)-2nd injection(mistake?)
Never mind a functioning pancreas, you get a CREEL!
When this get better? Know from read, answer is never. Never get better. Always hard. Sick of. Sick of hear self complain. That why seek always better diabetes app, better wicker creel, better breakfast, better better better. Never better.
BC=Before Cheeto, Before Cake
Bigfoot know many nice person, cut Bigfoot lot of slack. Today so sunny. Perfect day for party. Host, hostess make Bigfoot feel at home, not dork with medical supply hovering in creepy fashion. Before diabetes, Bigfoot probably characterize adult stay at party with needle bag Big Creepy Helicopter Loser. Bigfoot lucky most people not mean like Bigfoot.
I had a mouth full of Cheetos while telling Bubs he had to wait to eat Cheetos.
Tomorrow Bubs’s last normal day for while. Friday skip school for Coro Center/Animas pump lesson #1. Shudder. Bigfoot learn insert tiny tube under skin. Hope not barf. Know pump good. Trust pump improve health, improve life. Know lucky insurance provide pump. But dread learn how use. Not even use remote control Bose radio–climb up kitchen stool, reach top refrigerator, use regular on/off button instead.
Not Go
Still from the 4-minute Turkish animated film Don't Go.
Bigfoot attend school lunch. Morning Bubs say, I would like to eat with you, even if you don’t have time to go to Five Guys. I just like spending time with you. Very nice! Of course Bigfoot comply. Not able bring special delivery—only apple, little knife, cutting board. Sit with Bubs + bubbly Chinese classmate, literally bounce peanut butter sandwich on table between bite. Conversation around custom Lego minifigure. Fun. Not relevant friend Chinese, Bigfoot kind of provincial.
After lunch, visit Dream Nurse. 50 carbs. Dream Nurse have Bubs calculate dose, Bigfoot experience vague sensation persons gathering outside doorway during injection. It true. Tiny boy in sun yellow wheelchair there, aide beside. Vomit cover lap, Dream Nurse so compose, tell Bigfoot I guess we should make a plan for you to show me the pump next week, but I need to deal with this situation now. Tiny boy face same expression Bubs face: know something wrong, but not worry. Know adult handle it OK.
Little they know, adult so messed up: bury face in dog neck, call dog my little Irish gentleman!/ make repeated smooch noise; give insulin correction (300+ at dinner)/cause tank in night (55), force awake sing Yaz “Don’t Go,” (inspire by PCFF film class film)–try force drink orange juice/eat candy corn, then force brush teeth–let sleep fifteen minute, test again (64), make up let’s see if it goes up more in ten minutes instead of wake up/force eat (85), decide ten more minutes? Sure; research slack lines/poplin shirt/LL Bean Signature/feel bad about eat too much mini eggs at Arts Night; did ten minutes go by yet?/I don’t know/Check the meter!/three minutes/Is it time yet?(73)/Should I give him more candy? Seven? Seven candy corn? They’re only two each? Hear spouse say, “Sweet pea? I have to wake you up now. You have to eat more candy.” Hear Bubs cry in sleep, then, “It’s only five days until my birthday!”
Bigfoot have second thoughts $20,000 hypoglycemia dog. Even dog make mistake—New Yorker article re face transplant mention drunk woman wake up, find golden retriever ate lips/nose while passed out. Bigfoot not sure what dog think, but sure dog good intention while eat owner face. Hypoglycemia dog maybe just one more being Bigfoot second guess, get in line behind self, spouse, endocrinologist, Animas representative, cousin-in-law push fish oil, Drs. Weil/Oz, Sam Talbot (egg white blueberry thing), et al.
For good news: chocolate So Delicious coconut milk now in little lunch box size: 9g carbs.
For shocking news: one month supply test strips: $435.
11:15PM blood sugar 107. Formulate plan: let’s check again after some Daily Shows and as long as it’s not going back down, let’s say we’re in the clear/Okay?/Okay/Yeah. I just want to to be over/Yeah.
Never good blood sugar start with numeral 4
Stupid mistake, but learned to use Skitch
Some evening everything happen at once. This evening, Bigfoot spouse out for parent-teacher conferences, also Jack have literary magazine meeting, also Bubs agree get haircut, also friend return Miami yesterday have long hair son also hate haircuts, decide join kitchen counter hair salon since stylist friend already coming for Bubs’s hair.
Everything fine until literary magazine pick-up time, Bigfoot leave Bubs, Stylist Friend, Stylist Friend 2nd Grader in home for finish haircut. Miami friend with long hair son arrive as Bigfoot leave. Bigfoot drive to library, three minutes away. Pick up Jack and Stylist Friend older daughter. Stand around admire new publication, Sheepish Duck: Volume 4. Buckle into car. Get phone call: it Miami friend. Bubs at 44.
Miami friend perfectly calm (Rhode Island via San Francisco surfer via Pennsylvania deeply mellow), give all information: Bubs tested his blood sugar. He said he felt kind of weak. He got a 44. He took 4 glucose tabs. Should we do anything else? At that time Bigfoot realize: left Bubs with no adult informed of what do in emergency.
4 carb bedtime snack of choice: Ham Snacks (=a two cracker, folded slice of ham sandwich)
Bigfoot not mention glucagon pen, not mention call 911, not mention low blood sugar, glucose tab, where find Just Cherry juice/Swedish fish. Bigfoot not think of diabetes at all when leave pick up young literati at library. Bigfoot just leave. Remember bring dog. Remember pay for haircut. Remember return overdue excellent book Inzanesville (Jo Ann Beard). Remember peruse Friends of Library book sale. Remember pay $1 for The Paris Review Book for Planes, Trains, Elevators, and Waiting Rooms (Lucy Grealy, Lydia Davis in there—never be bored again.) Remember chat librarian friend about rich doofus put Frye boots in low-level consignment shop, just Bigfoot size. Diabetes not cross mind.
He is not thinking my mother is an idiot and almost killed me tonight. He is thinking how large a Lego set do I deserve as a reward for getting my hair cut?
Shitty move, but result total Double Rainbow. When arrive home with Jack, Stylist older daughter, and seven copies literary magazine, Miami and Stylist friend describe Bubs suddenly stop playing in living room. Describe calmly walk over to medical kit in kitchen. Tell them, “I just need to test my blood sugar.” Describe Bubs facility with equipment. Tell them, “It’s 44. I’m going to take 4 glucose tabs.” After glucose, Bubs record time and blood sugar number in log book. Everything correct. Bubs fine.
Bubs ask Bigfoot, “Could I please have something to eat now?” Bigfoot say yes but not move, too absorbed in story of how Bubs handle 44 by self. Bigfoot stare at table. Bubs ask, “Could I have a rice cake with peanut butter and banana?” Bigfoot say yes. Continue stare at table. When look over at Bubs, Jack already slicing banana onto neatly spread peanut butter rice cake. Bubs remember test blood sugar again before eat: 106.
On way up to bed, Bubs marvel, “Is 44 the lowest blood sugar anyone in our family has ever had?” This impossible young, naive. Not know feel rage toward careless mother? Instead, happy set new record low.
Book report plus note from teacher
This woman also had bird plums, not pictured.
Favorite book in house, for long time, What I Eat: Around the World In 80 Diets. This tour of world arranged least to most calorie consume typical day. No political commentary, no “free Tibet,” no “Americans so fat.”
Many area of world use Knorr bullion products in exotic flavor. Maybe have pile of grain, fermented yak milk, dry cheese curd, and Knorr mutton-flavor bullion. Often foods on list reader not know what look like. Bigfoot sons like read list of foods, try locate each thing in portrait. This a fun game. One woman drink own urine. That an exciting page. Every day Bubs want read this book.
Bubs and Jack always like Indian Shaman guy meal best. Very skinny, elderly man consume only boiled water from dainty brass kettle all day, then have one meal curry, dal, rice, naan, fried puffy bread too. Bigfoot try recreate this Shaman meal. Boys not impressed—fried puffy bread missing.
Bigfoot glad no portrait What Bubs Eat this week. Pretty sad what he eat at school. Nurse agree Bigfoot eat real food at home, it OK eat power bar lunch. Home: oatmeal, milk, maple syrup. School: graham cracker + peanut butter. Mini Luna bar. Chocolate milk. Cliff protein bar. Sobe Lifewater Zero. Home: Banana + peanut butter + rice cake. Cookies. Milk. Apple. Carrot. Beans + cheese + tortilla. Mint Oreo ice cream.
At school Bubs only eat food in wrapper, not have to touch. Every day Bigfoot put apple, cheese, almonds in lunch box but it just a good mommy show. Bigfoot eat almonds, cheese and apple when clean out lunchbox in afternoon. Love room temperature Babybel. So salty.
Iran. Yum.
Meanwhile, Bigfoot write note to thank Bubs’s teacher for allow nurse teach class diabetes facts. That not true, it only email note. Bigfoot in awe this teacher, she so competent and firm, also all children love, also adorable and very neat appearance. She write back: I am so lucky to have [Bubs] this year! He has become a wonderful addition to our classroom family. I love when he starts talking about a topic he is passionate about (like Legos!) his whole face lights up from behind all that hair!!! He is a polite young man! This illustrate something Bigfoot not understand elementary school teachers: they really like children or it a coping mechanism for dealing most irritating population nine months year?
Bigfoot usually spend time with children scheme get time alone as fast as possible. Grit teeth through teach make pancakes. Try muster some interest sports chat. No natural talent Lego Star Wars ship. Food book always enjoy time together.
P.F. Love Sac: Bigfoot visit Natick
We did not choose this copper LoveSac
Bigfoot detest stay home humid day, no plan. Decide take Bubs and Jack Lego store, give Bigfoot spouse time and space do school work. Boys moderately impress by Bigfoot cool idea.
Lego store in Natick at huge shopping mall. Clever Bigfoot determine budget $50 on wasteful boy expenditure, plus lunch. Think this very luxurious, but think also, what the hell. Bigfoot understand why ill children get toys: because parent think, “This child brings our family tens of thousands of dollars of free medicine. Surely I can buy some toys with those earnings.” Also, “What is $39.99 in comparison to the sadness I would feel if we were in the hospital today?” Bubs select Lego Star Wars ship look exactly like every other Lego Star Wars ship, kind of pointy with cockpit. Jack accept Bigfoot offer of cash in exchange for just please don’t ask me to buy you something you don’t even want. Bigfoot think this an astonishing offer, no one else blink an eye.
Next door Lego is LoveSac. Bigfoot and sons not familiar with this shop but get sucked directly into heather gray SuperSac, feel like heaven. Three fit easily. Saleswoman Suzanne eager Bigfoot buy this excessive tuffet. She offer free Squattoman (“$200 value!”) also neck pillow and snap-on soda can holder—all in cunning heather gray. Also offer complimentary foot-pocket Eskimo Phur blanket. (“$200 value!”) It like Ronco ad. Bigfoot ask how much chair cost without add-ons, Suzanne explain it cost more buy solo, this special package for limited time only. When Bigfoot ask for price of Buddha bowl, Suzanne say, “I can throw in some of those too!” That seal deal. Bigfoot not care about furniture at all, only want to impress children with largesse and get free set Buddha bowl. Bigfoot hungry; pretty sure Buddha bowl make life complete, enjoy soulful meal of brown rice with miso sauce or steel cut oats, eat mindfully, never feel sad again.
Three design it yourself minifigures for $9.99! We did not do this.
Then it lunch time. Choose P.F. Chang’s way back 7:30AM—it easy find carb information online for entire menu, also Bigfoot imagine it difficult administer insulin injection in food court, never go this town before and not know how Natick inhabitants behave. Could be very uptight about needle or have 3rd world sense of personal space, jostle Bigfoot shooting arm, cause needle trauma.
As walk toward P.F. Chang spot open-air conveyor belt sushi restaurant; everyone want to go there—what not to love? Sushi conveyor belt snake around tables, colorful and fun. No. Bigfoot insist soldier on to PFC.
Best part of meal: roomy booth = nice place for injection. Jack’s hot and sour soup extremely salty and viscous, as if Mr. Chang forgot reconstitute canned soup concentrate before heat and serve. One bite shrimp dumpling + two bites rice + entire children’s #1 chicken + quarter portion sweet/sour sauce + one shot glass-size Great Wall of Chocolate cake = 50 carb. One unit insulin called for, but Bigfoot give 1.5 unit because national chain restaurant always screw Bigfoot over with lowball carb information.
Bigfoot not able adhere $50 wasteful expenditure budget, bump up for LoveSac package. Now have set five Buddha bowl on shelf plus compressed SuperSac + squattoman + neck pillow + soda can holder + heather gray covers + collectible duffel + reusable cardboard suitcase with felted wool handle and brass clasps.
Blood sugar OK all day, only little high after dinner. Lego ship complete. Everyone asleep.
Bigfoot sure this not right placement Pinterest button
