Just some bloody stuff, used lancets, and candy

Bigfoot read many fun diabetes post about find test strip everywhere. Recently empty one coat pocket. This unfunny picture of contents (left). Other places bloody test strips gather Bigfoot home: clothes dryer lint trap. Between floorboards. Every pocket: bathrobe, coat, pants. Read one post test strips clog garbage disposal, permanent damage therein. Now make sure not put down there. Bigfoot continue put tea bags there. Wish luck.

A solitary pee strip in the dishwasher

Never cognizant of until see in photo, but often use meter instruction manual as blotter paper. When Bubs fingertip bloody after test, usually wipe on Bigfoot palm. If blood very copious, Bigfoot steer Bubs toward instruction booklet. Then blot booklet on palm, forearm, pants, all three. Rub blood in until invisible. Jeans make good wiper. Pink cords not so good. Realize unclean but never develop habit have tissue handy. Already lap so full juggle all equipment, slide all over place, finger pricker fall to floor, so hard balance all item, how add tissue into repertoire this point? Same time, know not good plan continue this manner.

Bigfoot think most diabetic person eventually develop method to kiss fingertip, perhaps audible kiss, very casual, seal off blood flow with kiss. But for child with bloody finger, more likely hold out to mother take care of. This mother not envision self kiss blood. Gag with spoon. Dream Nurse, of course, always have fresh Kleenex on hand for blotting needs.

Landmark achievement for hygiene: find ketone strip in dishwasher silverware basket. Turn stomach little bit but if keep open mind, this much less disgusting than rub blood all over self.

Cereal, milk, and chocolate chip banana bread: also not recommended

Other issue plague Bigfoot is diet. Call Wise Friend from Whole Foods parking lot, ask if any grand breakfast plan. Friend say diabetic child eat hard boiled eggs. Practically perfect. Not want say out loud what past ten days (as random sample) typical breakfast. But will say now because want absolution: toast, butter, jam, milky black tea. Mitigating factor: it homemade bread and fancy jam. Also this: tea sweetened with stevia. Fact remain, this totally shit breakfast. Worst possible breakfast–tie with Froot Loop + Mountain Dew.

Wise Friend ask, “Would Bubs eat humus for breakfast?” Are you fucking kidding me? He won’t even eat humus at a normal humus time. Wise friend ask, “Maybe he would like the Whole Foods turkey jerky.” Uhhhuh. “Would he eat the tamari almonds? They’re so good, and I was just reading that of all the nuts, for some reason almonds are the best for [kids/protein/diabetics/mornings--not sure what Wise Friend say, so much good information slip into ether], and the tamari roasted almonds are just so good.” Interesting. Thanks. I’ll try that. But think: this too hard. Then Wise Friend ask, “While you’re in there, could you look for some bars of dark chocolate with toffee, sea salt, and no nuts for me?” Yes. That I can do.

While confess crap breakfast, here some more Bubs greatest hit: granola with vanilla almond milk. Toaster waffle with maple syrup. Honey Nut Cheerio/milk. Oatmeal/brown sugar. Oatmeal/maple syrup. Oatmeal/brown sugar/maple syrup.

Over weekend decide make faux Egg McMuffin, use Macheesmo instruction (find on Pinterest.) Idea is make 12. Freeze in specific manner. Reheat in specific manner. Have nice diabetes breakfast ready at all times. Bigfoot so risk averse, make batch of 3. Delicious! Downside, Bubs not interested. Bigfoot and Bigfoot spouse eat. Next plan is make entire package turkey bacon, meter out over few days serve with mini bagel. This idea stolen from another diabetes idol.

The most vile and most coveted Valentine treat in the land

Tomorrow Valentine’s Day. Jack give classmates FunDip. Everyone in class agree: let’s just give each other FunDip, OK? And don’t bother signing the card. Bubs’s school follow excellent no-food-allowed policy, give classmates Lego Star Wars valentine–just small flimsy paper feature minifigure portrait, four designs. Usually Bigfoot like give boys junky heart-box Valentine candy. This year, give Bubs medium-small Star Wars Lego + one Lake Champlain caramel heart (7g carbs). Jack: knitted hat with brim (think Bruno Mars must wear, not sure why else Jack want this clothing item) + one Lake Champlain caramel heart. For spouse, one sack Cadbury Minieggs + instructions for where/how hide. For dog, breath mint chew toy/brain teaser. Maybe Bubs sad not have FunDip, but even through tears recognize superiority Lego over Bruno Mars cap/breath toy.