Low. Low. Low.

This is A) creepy B) like an ad for the VerioIQ C) both

This is A) way too creepy B) like an ad for the VerioIQ C) both

Low.

Today 4 h. after breakfast, low. 68, 88, 69, + @lunch Bigfoot Spouse misread serving on box. Count 60g CHO as only 15g. One unit insulin when should have been 4u. But no high.

8PM: I feel kind of weird—I think I might be dropping. 69. Skittles. 15 min. later: 63. Skittles. 15 min. later 65. Skittles. I’m so hungry, can I have some cheese? (No. You have to wait.) 9PM 78. Cheese. Peanut butter sandwich. Water. More cheese. Insulin for sandwich**. Brush teeth. Could I just have one more peanut butter sandwich? Wait—I meant two more? (No.) 9:30PM (Already so late?) Bed. 70. Juice box. Turn down basal. 9:45PM 88. 10PM 70. Juice. I’m so tired. (I know. I’m sorry.) I’m kind of cold. Can I have a sleeping bag? (Sure.) Thanks, Mama. Mama? I’m kind of hot. I just feel so much adrenaline, you know? (I better test you again.)

CLICKPOKE. Ow! Nice going. (Cold, psychotic stare) I mean, good job. You keep me awake and then poke me so it really hurts? Nice one. (You might be getting that adrenaline-y feeling from being low.) That’s a great story. I had no idea. Wow. You’re like, an expert scientist now. Thanks a lot for the tip. 77.

(Suddenly all sweetheart-y again) Good night, Mama! Thanks. Can you tuck me in? (Sure. But I’ll be back soon to make sure you’re not dropping, so try to sleep with a few fingers showing.) Okay, Mama. 10:45PM MOM! (Yelling) NEXT WEEK MAY YOU DRIVE ME TO TARGET TO USE MY GIFT CARD TO GET MORE CHIMA(I will.) Will they accept a Target gift card for Lego Chima? (They will. You can get whatever you want with that gift card.) Are you sure they’ll take it for Chima? (I’m sure.) I’m kind of hot. I mean, I’m cold. MOM! I NEED TO SWISH WATER AROUND IN MY MOUTH TO WASH OFF THE JUICE!

Bubs swish water for long, long time, eyes close, head nod down/back, more swish. Then, confused, swallows dirty swishwater, asleep. 11PM 84.

Reach under duvet. Hot, cold, clammy. Check pump basal program, because program lower AM basal as per endo. Think “Maybe I accidentally put a 3 where there should have been a 0.3.” No. Basal program okay.

Hear Bubs asleep mumbles. Probably still feel oogy. 11:30PM 95.

Creepy photo Bigfoot creep up on sleeping child remind Bigfoot creepy feeling wash over heart, settle in gut during Terry Gross interview Barry Lopez. Pedophile convince child Barry Lopez something wrong w. c.B.Lopez & remedy = rape. Child try assimilate rape into normal life. CBL think, “I can trust this adult. This hurts and seems weird but he says I have to do it to get better from what is wrong with me, so I will not complain.” Too familiar! Little boy totally trust Bigfoot it necessary for health poke finger, take blood, wake up, force juice, attach machinery, all manner weird shit. Well, obvsly, not really same thing, but similar*:

“I was a child,” he tells Fresh Air‘s Terry Gross. “I was 7 years old, and the world of medicine and the world of treatment and the world of how we take care of each other was a tabula rasa for me. I knew that [...] I was in the hands of somebody that I knew the adult world respected, and as a young person trying to learn the world, I was trying to understand things that were new to me, and that just fell into that category.

*You can find more diabetes brain (= automatically incorporate diabetes into anything), with less pedophilia and more cute containers here. I am so grateful that I read Kelly’s definition of diabetes brain today. Sometimes just being able to name your disorder is a huge relief.

**That insulin was a mistake, but I have to hand it to me: I could not have known.

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11 responses to “Low. Low. Low.

  1. Wow, that is a ball-sy comparison…but I get the point. Your kiddo will never see some ‘regular’ things for what the world does, and vice versa. A good friend of mine made me realize that some people drink juice just because they chose to. When that occurred, the look on his face said so much: Holy Shit. I am just now sort of gaining an understanding to sort of how your brain thinks. But as a result, there will also be at least one thing, one characteristic that Bubs will develop thanks to what is ‘normal’ now. It can take awhile to figure out (and maybe doesn’t need to be actually figured out), but it’ll be there. Glad everybody made it out of the low.

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  2. Eileen

    Ugh, hate nights like that. You would swear that pancreas is screwing with you and decided to make a little insulin of its own. Hope you got a little sleep

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    • Is that what it is? It didn’t even cross my mind. Would that mean we are still in the honeymoon phase? Or does everyone sometimes make a little homegrown insulin?

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      • Nicole P

        Katy – The honeymoon phase as far as I know is a “beginners only” thing. However, some of us have other auto-immune/hormonal issues that make for nasty lows that are hellish to climb out of – for example – Addison’s disease, which can cause both extremely low blood pressure and persistent low bloodsugar. The balance of medication for Addison’s, insulin, exercise, and food can be incredibly complicated as the steroids used to correct the adrenal issues cause fluctuations (highs) in bloodsugar – but they also mostly correct the monster lows… (I say mostly because at times during the month even with the steroids, for me at least, Addison’s can be as much a monster as diabetes)…. Long complicated answer to your simple question!

        I’m so glad you both finally pulled out of the low – they really are just torturous when they’re like that – for everyone. And they really do bring you face to face with just how life-altering diabetes can be. I wish it weren’t so. And I’m sending you good thoughts!

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  3. Mary M

    When I have a day like that I put a negative temporary basal rate on. Worth checking into for your own use maybe?

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  4. Cristin

    My son was strangely low yesterday too. So confusing/worrisome!
    And thank you for your honesty about the odd behavior changes when he’s low. My son does that when he’s running too high and I thought I was the only one dealing with multiple personalities that are tied to blood sugar! I always check his blood when he starts in with that overly emo/angrified/temper tantrum.

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  5. Oh that personality stuff would be the hardest thing for me. Well, that and staying up for a million hours and being responsible for figuring this stuff out for every single thing he ever eats. You are amazing.

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  6. I swear that if it weren’t for Judah, Marshall would never get me to check my glucose when my personality goes wonky. He is always terrified to interrupt a swing with, “Maybe you should check your sugar?” because I tend to be in defensive mode already… and I’m 27! At least when Judah alerts Marshall has some back up- and who could argue with Judah’s adorable freckled face?

    A+ to you for your persistence!

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  7. Julia

    Yes, I agree and think the pancreas can still make insulin but the beta cells are immediately destroyed. Or at least the pancreas can make small amounts of insulin. Hope so anyway. That is how I view the low periods. After the second low, yes, we use reduced temp basals. Would try minus 20 or 30 for lows like these (you may need more or less, depends on Bubs). After a time, hope Bubs won’t feel the fingersticks like our DD. After a year or two, she does not even blink. I think the nerves become desensitized to some degree. Which is a blessing.

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  8. i saw your title and started singing the song, so i was glad to click on your link to have it to sing along with. it’s still playing.

    those mood swings are so difficult to handle! but at least it’s not so confusing when they happen, yeah? that’s how i feel anyway.

    i am kinda speechless about the terry gross interview. i’ve never heard that story before. so upsetting. low. low. low.

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