Today video shoot Hope vs. Fear. Unknown release date. Other people PWD. Bigfoot only POPWD. Improvisational fake sincere banter in cozy, yet fake, yet rough hewn cafe, w. face coated transvestite makeup, hidden bobby pin, microphone snake down shirt/plug in under table, coffee mug no coffee inside: it coconut water, feel eerily natural. Discuss hope, everyone agree of course choose hope not fear. Of course focus on positive. Very nice people. Glad Bubs follow footsteps these fine people WD. Warm, smart, human, no pretense.
Fear part of day more short/more intense. Bigfoot alone under gauzy, pore-refining* light, undereye transvestite mascara smudges Q-tipped away as makeup artist describe plan for gingerbread-pumpkin trifle w. unimpressed craft service. Big camera aim at face. Interviewer beside camera. Interviewer face covered black screen, head appear in Jambi meka-leka-hi-meka-hiney-ho box superimpose over camera lens ask: What scares you the most about diabetes?
No cry. Ramble on and on and on. One bad thread this ramble recommend Xanax/whisky fear remedy, then defensive I don’t even drink a lot I mean I rarely drink oh no heh heh heh now I sound like an alcoholic for sure you definitely can’t use that also mention these fears:
#1 That my child will die in his sleep
#2 That he won’t take care of himself and will ruin his insides
#3 That he won’t be able to get health insurance
#4 That I’m not doing something I should be doing, because I don’t know about it yet, and that my current level of ignorance will ruin his life
Although purpose of short film positive, immediate effect is Bigfoot feel more afraid big picture issues. Never really think to self “Bigfoot afraid.” More think I’m so tired or I’m kind of anxious. Now know: afraid. Bigfoot afraid diabetes long term bad effect child.
Tell Bubs about PWD @ film shoot: one of the men is an elite athlete! He said that starting when he was a teenager, he didn’t take care of his diabetes at all
BIGFOOT: He was just so sick of it, of pricking his finger and counting his carbs…
BUBS: So did he go really high and have to go to the hospital all of the time?
BIGFOOT: Yes, he did
That not true. Actually felt fine, was star baseball pitcher. Happy. Took enough insulin stay away hospital, but never see endo, never test A1c. When in hospital w/adult sports injury, doctor discover A1C 14 or 17 or other XX-high number, wife threaten abandon if not improve. So improve. Become elite cyclist.
Hope find strategy for skip over decade-long huge A1c, beeline from parents’ loving care –>elite cyclist?