Trepidation. 8PM 85. Think probably too much insulin dinner but also think last time 5g sip juice for 80’s at bedtime, skyrocket. Wait.
Acquiescent. 9PM I feel low. 88. Think probably dropping, need snack. Offer juice. Bubs say no. I don’t want that unless I’m actually low. Good night. Wait.
Rocking out with cock out. 10PM. 108. Think so good call on no-juice. Think big bravo for self. Slipper sock running man hallway dance.
Merry greed. 10:15PM. Think I’m going to watch an episode of Parenthood even though I don’t need to stay up tonight. Better make that two episodes.
Confident. 11:45PM. Think I might as well check on him before I fall asleep, just to see what beautiful number will come up next.
Trapped. 11:46PM. 249. Think I can’t un-see that. Correction.
Drowsy. 1AM. Think I’m sure he’ll be down by now. 246. Correction.
Lazy. 1:01AM. Think the site’s probably okay, because if it weren’t, he’d be even higher.
Resigned. 1:02AM. Fuck it. There’s no way I’ll get a functional person’s sleep, but at least I can enjoy the Bravermans.
Superior. 2AM. Parenthood Haddie/Amber so terrible hair-dos Season Three.
Relieved. 2:30AM. It finally time for re-test. Sure # will be down. 216.
Shame. 2:31AM. Only now realize this not merely ass pain for Bigfoot, this also serious bad health situation for Bubs. Sorry, Baby. Maybe this over-drama, but still cry when admit self take so long realize. Bigfoot forget whole point medical exercise.
Denial. 4AM. Think I feel fine! I don’t really need to sleep. I’m amazing! 186.
Exhaustion. 4:01AM. That under 200. Face plant & zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Crushed. 6:30AM. Bigfoot Spouse alarm ring—wretched ascending xylophone sound. 152. Correction + granola bolus.
Hollow. 6:45AM. Weigh granola. Are these really my hands? Pour small pitcher milk. We really drink a watery sauce from the glands of a cow?
Grateful. 6:55AM. Bubs do everything according plan, even though this first morning arrive school early for special science class, little bit of rush, not much leisure time Minecraft. Think he’s come a long way. He’s growing up. Think changes like this used to freak him out.
Disbelief. 7:20AM. Bubs refuse go.
Helpless. 7:25AM. Say but you told me to sign you up for this class. Bubs retort many, many insult e.g. I hate you! I only said I wanted to go to that class because I thought that’s what you wanted me to say. Take away Minecraft for week. Say you’ll have to pay Daddy and me back the $75 for the class if you won’t even try it. Just try it! If it’s terrible you never have to go back
Bewildered. 7:35AM. Now too late for be on time new class. Decide can’t let slide. Say if you won’t go to the class, we’ll just sit in the hallway. Just peek in.
Relieved. 7:40AM. Fine, I’ll go!
Embarrassed. 7:45AM. Really late. Also Bubs walk away while Bigfoot ask secretary science class location.
Stunned. 7:46AM. Stand stare at wall. Paralyzed. Think what can I do?
Hopeful. 8AM. Now extra really late. Bubs walk toward Bigfoot/classroom. Bigfoot peek in science class, try channel Kristina Braverman. Excuse me, I know we’re really late, but would it still okay to come in? Adorable friend recognize Bigfoot, fist pump yessssss!bubs-is-in-this-class. (Lip read.) Teacher: (so friendly) of course, come on in!
Humiliated. 8:00:05AM. Bubs not by Bigfoot side. Gone.
Vacant. 8:00:30AM. Science enrichment organizer teacher approach Bigfoot Where’s Bubs? Bigfoot not able explain emotional complex terrain. Say I think he’s feeling too embarrassed to go in because we’re so late.
Grace of God. 8:00:35AM. Organizer teacher say I’ll get him! Don’t worry. A lot of kids were late today. Spot Bubs waaaaay down hallway. Teacher wave arm for beckon hearty/smiley come on! Bubs comply. No eye contact Bigfoot as hand off backpack.
Beaten bloody pulp. 8:02AM As soon as gone begin bawling relief. Teacher return. Are you okay? Explain I’m so sorry. I’m not crying about this (<–lie). I was up all night and I guess I’m just really emotional. I’m sorry that I’m crying. Teacher so kind eyes say Aw, everything’s okay. Go home and get some rest. Bigfoot say thanks but then switch on full poor-me mode: I can’t leave yet because I have to stay until the regular school day starts because he has diabetes and the nurse isn’t here yet and I have to sit in the loh-ho-ho-hoh-lobby.
Acquisitive. 8:03AM. Sit on lobby bench, find tissue, wipe eyes, nose, try pull self together. See most amazing clogs walk by—bright red with glossy, vivid pattern on underside. Covet.
Love. 8:15AM School nurse approach Bigfoot crybaby bench. Are you okay? You can go home now—I’m here.
Depleted. 8:20AM. Home. So hungry can’t think what eat. Eat Justin’s Chocolate Hazelnut Butter, drink 2nd pot tea.
Pressure. 8:25AM. Breakfast dishes/dog overly attentive because eager walk/two demands enough crush spirit. Walk dog.
Happy. 8:45AM. It beautiful day. Walk toward water. Windy.
I will kick your ass. 8:50AM. Picking up dog poop. Man in car pull over say something Bigfoot not hear, also hair blow over face, Bigfoot not see. Think probably friend stop say hello/but not close friend bc close friend know emotionally disturbed dog on leash preclude possibility conversation. Stand up from poop, empty hand push hair aside. It strange car, moustache old man inside licking lips, waggle eyebrows. Bigfoot picture rip car door open, punch face. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
Grateful. 8:51AM. Walk dog near water. Dog love old bait smells. On bridge, rub face railings. Ecstatic dog.
Oh shit. 8:53AM. Jewelry designer car approach bridge! Bigfoot forget say meet 9AM. Wave, turn, begin run toward house.
Incontinent. 8:54AM. No smart two pots tea before run fast as can w. clogs/dog/poo.
Nauseated 8:55AM. No smart Justin’s Chocolate Hazelnut Butter large amount before run while carry long/swingy bread bag full hot dung.
Necklace-y. 9AM. Buy necklace artist friend. Bent silver wire + shrinky dinks, depict preferred Presidential candidate.
Stick a fork in me. 9:30AM. Put Bon Iver on repeat for dog relaxation therapy. Ready quit for day. Flop face down sofa, phone by head.
Oh shit! 9:45AM. We’re meeting the new endocrinologist today. Bigfoot forget about.
Relief. 9:46AM. Check calendar. Endo 4PM, plenty time for nap.
Insomnia. 9:47AM. Better take good nap so not insane for new endocrinologist in case Dr. Doughnut send warning note. So much pressure take nap, not able sleep. Also too much tea
Impatient. 9:48AM. Come one come on come on sleep.