Today Dr. Doughnut. Running 45 min. late. Waiting area, Bigfoot notice two child-mother-father trios with Obvious Newcomer Bag: meter still in box, in clear plastic shopping bag, jumble of papers in uninspired yellow/dismal pink/dead green. Nervous in waiting room. Look unsure if OK sit down.
So much want say Were you just diagnosed? It’s going to be OK. Have you seen the You Can Do This project? Do you know about Six Until Me? Wish had sample copy Leighann’s book in medical creel. Then shy. Afraid maybe elitist, not everyone take comfort in internet, also maybe too intrusive sensitive family time. Also afraid would cry when speak these recent refugees. Settle for try catch mothers’ eyes, smile warm smile. Probably only manage look crazy-eyes insane. One mother smile back. Both dads in schlubby Patriots jerseys. Maybe become friends. Not w Bigfoot. W e/o.
While wait exam room, CDE sit w/ Bigfoot & Bubs discuss at length strip use issue, review Bigfoot exquisitely tidy notes. CDE only say, “You’re doing everything right” or “Every one of these tests looks perfectly legitimate to me” and “When Dr. Doughnut comes in we can see what she has to say when she looks at these notes.” That the theme. This good cop bad cop warmup act? Maybe only paranoid.
Enter Dr. Doughnut. Shake Bigfoot hand. This a sign? Not remember hand shake other exams.
Share BG charts. Most recent few days, use 10-12 strips/day. Further back 15, 17, 20, etc. Bigfoot not want drag this out. Dr. Doughnut address strip issue oblique compliment, “See? You’re only using ten a day now–good for you!” Bigfoot try explain, “That’s on days when he goes to bed at a normal number. On the days when he’s high or low at bedtime, we still use more, and I don’t really see any to cut out.”
DR. DOUGHNUT: Well of course you’re using more on those days. But on a normal day you’re using ten. Good job
CDE: I think what she’s saying is that he has been high or low often at night, and the night testing, I think you’d agree, is necessary, and that requires more than ten strips a day
DR. DOUGHNUT: Of course
CDE: And look at this. He was low, and she remembered it was because he didn’t drink his milk before the babysitter came, and then he had to test three times in one hour with the babysitter to make sure he came up, and that looks right to me
DR. DOUGHNUT: Ah, uh-huh. Don’t be so hard on yourself! Of course you’re going to make mistakes. But that amount of testing doesn’t happen on a typical day, right?
BIGFOOT: There is no muthafunckingcocksucking typical day. (<—not really say.) I’m getting the goddamned strips from my fucking pediatrician. (<—not really say.) I’m never coming here again! (<—not say at all.) Right (<—say)
DR. DOUGHNUT: Well, these numbers look great. And his a1C is 6.5, so that’s great. Good job. I forget: does he have Hashimoto’s?
DR. DOUGHNUT: So since it’s been a year, we’ll do the blood work for that. After we’re done here, I’ll give you a slip to take down the hall to the lab
Bigfoot really not energy pinpoint test strip decision. Seem pretty clear, keep 10x/day. Already have new endo anyway. Whatev, strip issue extinguish like match toss in toilet. Tssss.
Exam move on to belly/site palpation portion of show. Fine fine fine. Normal normal normal. Dr. Doughnut never examine feet. Why pediatric endocronologist ever examine feet? Bigfoot science, not possible child develop foot issue so young but read other pediatric endo provide foot exam. Probably relic from olden times, like Sweet ‘n’ Low packet.
After exam, hit lab. One phlebotomist for poke, 2nd phlebotomist for hold down. Srsly? Take tube blood for cholesterol, thyroid. Eight seconds, it over. As soon reach parking garage, Bubs cry. Buckle into car I’m so overwhelmed! I’m sorry I’m crying! Geeze, it that stressful? Bigfoot big day planned of read housewares catalogs w. friend opening culinary expert shop. But Bubs so much crying. I’m sorry I’m crying. I hate myself. I hate this. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m like this. Push come shove Bigfoot stone cold, housewares-coveting heart melt open tiny bit suggest take rest of day off from school.
After apple kuchen/hazelnut mocha Olga’s Cup and Saucer, Bubs accompany Bigfoot friend’s housewares catalog heaven on living room floor. Friend so kind Johnny’s at school. Do you want to rifle through his Magic Cards? Bubs play w/ three adorable extra-fast hamsters, provenance Gobi desert. Bigfoot read entire catalog peppermills, entire catalog $36 tea towel. Everyone happy.
Get home feel low: 54. Stress? Want eat yogurt, then PB & JChocolateHazelnutB sandwich, then ask chicken korma but Bigfoot Spouse take all leftover chicken to work, because no one ever, ever in entire history chicken korma request this snack. So hungry. So depleted. Pat dog. Minecraft.
As reward for reader make it all way end, Bigfoot wish share this article re disabled children. What My Son’s Disabilities Taught Me About Having it All.