Yesterday Bigfoot comb entire blog, delete pictures, see many forgotten post, feel disbelief. Just like Jack + Bubs pose not recall Wiggles (though occasion hear sing moshed bo-nahnah moshed bo-nahnah under breath), Bigfoot wish distance self from past.
I can’t believe I thought I had to call the endocrinologist to adjust a dose.
I can’t believe I thought he would just die in his sleep.
I can’t believe I was so mad at a substitute nurse.
I can’t believe I thought Bubs would need a dress shirt for FFL.
I can’t believe I wore a tube of frosting on a necklace into the ocean, and thought I was a brilliant
Everything make cringe. Trepidation say anything/embarrass future, cooler self, but think arrive new mental space: not so obsessive diabetes. Sudden change yesterday.
For first time since August 9th, Bigfoot complete freak out anxiety attack work/dog related—not diabetes. So anxious, need go for run. Before diabetes, Bigfoot love run. Always huge relief for brain which tend toward anxious. When run, mind travel dance routine for family/neighborhood musical based on Queen’s Greatest Hits, or plan for s’mores party, or imagine sew dinner napkins from ugly old shirts, etc. Creative flow. So pleasant. Since diabetes, Bigfoot not love run because mind not open up for creative flow—only travel deeper into worry.
Yesterday while run, for first time in year, not think I shouldn’t run for long, in case someone needs me or 175, 343, 271, 85, 164, 104, 238 or Do I wait for someone to tell me to take him to an eye doctor or do I just go? Think instead: What if Andy Samberg ran up next to me, and was singing Pumped Up Kicks, and we filmed an SNL Shorts video together, and see mind’s eye Andy Samberg giant mouth belt out song, eyes squinted shut, run with flailing arms, clumsy legs, and then catch Bigfoot eye, and crack up, and yell Cut! and Andy Samberg bend over, hands on knees, unable catch breath, laughing so hard. (Bigfoot aware this probably evidence subliminal Andy Samberg fetish, not really funny for SNL Shorts video.)
At diagnosis, everyone say the first year is the hardest. That not correct. Rule is the first 352 days are the hardest. Mark occasion of arrival new mental space: pack slim pencil case with
Plan carry just this when close home. Not realistic anticipate change set in Target. If somehow notice need new set while buy toilet paper, can interrupt errand + drive home. Not realistic need supplies while walk dog—possible feel low; could test/sugar/walk home. Not need Calorie King. Not need 75 extra strips. Hard believe 352 days reach this conclusion.