First 352 days = the hardest

We used to bring all of this everywhere. Also inside: a whole jug of Glucolift, a glucagon injection, and a million used strips/Starburst wrappers

Yesterday Bigfoot comb entire blog, delete pictures, see many forgotten post, feel disbelief. Just like Jack + Bubs pose not recall Wiggles (though occasion hear sing moshed bo-nahnah moshed bo-nahnah under breath), Bigfoot wish distance self from past.

I can’t believe I thought I had to call the endocrinologist to adjust a dose.

I can’t believe I thought he would just die in his sleep.

I can’t believe I was so mad at a substitute nurse.

I can’t believe I thought Bubs would need a dress shirt for FFL.

I can’t believe I wore a tube of frosting on a necklace into the ocean, and thought I was a brilliant

Everything make cringe. Trepidation say anything/embarrass future, cooler self, but think arrive new mental space: not so obsessive diabetes. Sudden change yesterday.

For first time since August 9th, Bigfoot complete freak out anxiety attack work/dog related—not diabetes. So anxious, need go for run. Before diabetes, Bigfoot love run. Always huge relief for brain which tend toward anxious. When run, mind travel dance routine for family/neighborhood musical based on Queen’s Greatest Hits, or plan for s’mores party, or imagine sew dinner napkins from ugly old shirts, etc. Creative flow. So pleasant. Since diabetes, Bigfoot not love run because mind not open up for creative flow—only travel deeper into worry.

Yesterday while run, for first time in year, not think I shouldn’t run for long, in case someone needs me or 175, 343, 271, 85, 164, 104, 238 or Do I wait for someone to tell me to take him to an eye doctor or do I just go? Think instead: What if Andy Samberg ran up next to me, and was singing Pumped Up Kicks, and we filmed an SNL Shorts video together, and see mind’s eye Andy Samberg giant mouth belt out song, eyes squinted shut, run with flailing arms, clumsy legs, and then catch Bigfoot eye, and crack up, and yell Cut! and Andy Samberg bend over, hands on knees, unable catch breath, laughing so hard. (Bigfoot aware this probably evidence subliminal Andy Samberg fetish, not really funny for SNL Shorts video.)

At diagnosis, everyone say the first year is the hardest. That not correct. Rule is the first 352 days are the hardest. Mark occasion of arrival new mental space: pack slim pencil case with

  • pink mini
  • finger pricker
  • canister test strips
  • 4 Glucolifts

 

The new case. Adult hand included to illustrate scale. Small! Easy!

Plan carry just this when close home. Not realistic anticipate change set in Target. If somehow notice need new set while buy toilet paper, can interrupt errand + drive home. Not realistic need supplies while walk dog—possible feel low; could test/sugar/walk home. Not need Calorie King. Not need 75 extra strips. Hard believe 352 days reach this conclusion.

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9 responses to “First 352 days = the hardest

  1. Linda in Idaho

    I love how your mind works in cartoons. Hey, there’s another carb book that’s easier to use (for me at least). Here’s a link for it on Amazon:

    keywords=The+Corinne+T.+Netzer+Carbohydrate+Counter

    Foods are listed alphabetically instead of by weird categories; don’t have to find “Fruits” to find blueberries – just look in the B,s.. Author looks a little like she might drink your blood, but seems to mean well. And, yeah, you are So doing great! (But I (we) loved your older posts – you sure you need them gone?)
    I’m with you on distilling the time/effort toward diabetes down to it’s lightest, simplest form. It’s for sure the way to go. Like, for the horse(s), wearing a bareback pad instead of a big heavy cowboy saddle?

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    • I will definitely look into that book!

      I didn’t delete the old posts, just any images that I had used without permission. So some of the formatting looks really bad, but I’m moving on.

      Like

  2. Liz

    Oh Katy! So true! And I really don’t think there’s any way to skip that first year…no matter how many people give you tips and advice, which are handy, you need to ride the fear. Congratulations on that first milestone. Emma leaves for Clara Barton Camp for the first time on Sunday…a huge milestone for us. But in the same way diabetes is once-in-a-while not your biggest worry now, my biggest fear is not “will she die while she’s away” but “how can I possibly be away from her for 2 weeks?”

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  3. Clara Barton Camp, just like Kerri! I love it.

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  4. From my perspective it looks like you’ve done great job the first almost year! Keep it up, and don’t worry about the learning curve looking silly. It’s not as silly as you think.

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  5. katy, i’ve been doing this for almost 19 years, and i’m still learning. you’d think i’d know everything there is to know about this whole diabetes thing by now. but it doesn’t work that way.

    i’m glad you’ve had a chance to find some normalcy. it’s difficult, balancing caring enough about diabetes with caring too much and obsessing. that’s something we all have to work through.

    i wish we’d had more of a chance to chat at FFL. Maybe next year?

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  6. (((HUGS))) and a “big ol’ belly bump” … YOU.R.DOING.THIS.Katy…and you are doing it WELL! xo

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  7. Julia

    If you can drill it into your child’s head to always, always have a source of sugar on their person (we use six large individually wrapped Lifesavers, which are 4 grams each, wrapped in plastic, can be put in a jean’s pocket without crumbling), he/she will be okay. Likewise, two juice packs on the nightstand every night. Enough for two low episodes on their person or nearby. Even if they can’t get to their testing supplies, if they feel low they can and should treat. And, yes, our DD has very occasionally forgotten her glucometer…. If you can instill this habit, you will not worry as much. I think the first three years are the hardest, so if you are less anxious after the first year, you are ahead of the game, LOL. You are doing a great job and, you’re right, you can relax a little.

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  8. there’s your boyfriend (points to calorie king)

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