Bubs lethargic. Took to pediatrician to hear, “he’s fine” or, “he’s hot and tired.” Instead Bubs sit on exam table, take deep breath. More, more, more. So much listen lungs. Pediatrician joke, Are you getting dizzy from all of this heavy breathing? Then I think I hear some crackles in his lungs. More stethoscope. More breathe. Helpful Bigfoot ask do you think it could be that crinkly paper he’s sitting on?

Pediatrician so kind, not point out decades expertise differentiate lung crackle from exam table crinkle noise. Ask Bubs stand up nice and tall so I can listen some more. Bigfoot say, the good thing about diabetes is that if he were sick, we’d know, because he’d have high blood sugar. Kind pediatrician agree. Nod. But…the crackling noise that I hear is consistent with pneumonia. Do you mind going to Hasbro? I’m going to prescribe a chest x-ray.

On way to car Bubs say I hope I have pneumonia! Then I can have lemonade!

BIGFOOT: you can have lemonade anyway

BUBS: no, I mean I could only have lemonade. Like those people with the laryngitis

BIGFOOT: you mean tonsillitis? When people have their tonsils taken out and can only eat ice cream and smooth stuff like that?

BUBS: yeah, I hope I have tonsillitis

At hospital, technician gesture under neck of shirt, ask Bubs do you have a necklace on under there? Bubs look at me like this a practical joke. No. Technician begin position Bubs against x-ray target board, apply heavy apron, bartender style. Think fast! But he has an insulin pump. Technician say well then I’m going to have to ask you to remove it. Small achievement: mention medical device before x-ray cause pump/whole room explode.

Now wait for chain of event: radiology technician show x-ray to boss. Radiologist/secretary call pediatrician. Pediatrician call Bigfoot. Bubs never sick before. Except one time black eye. One time abundant ear wax. Also one time diabetes. Not sure how brace self but buy lemonade.

MORAL OF STORY: probably you are supposed to remove your insulin pump before getting an x-ray

It’s not pneumonia. It’s nothing but crackling lung noise.