Anxious. Unable concentrate work. Brain is blank screen. Probably lose 1 million dollars.
Part of thing: so tired. The usual.
11PM 239 (correction)
2AM 240 (correction)
5AM 116
7AM 79
…
Other part of thing, friend Bigfoot out of touch with die. Suicide. Not believe. Hope secretly drug addict, die overdose. Not die on purpose seem little bit better. Three schoolchildren.
Bigfoot buy friend old house when move China, Bubs 2 years old/Jack 4. Currently sit at kitchen counter friend design own hands. Wipe off stove friend choose from scratch + dent. So much in common this person at turn of century: Orla Kiely sale cardigans, magenta yarn balls, nursing babies, Who Will Run the Frog Hospital?, kilim carpets, Mitchell Gold leather sofas, Red Zinger iced tea, writing, haircuts drastically shorter in back than front. Other thing realized had in common: people felt uncharacteristically comfortable say “you’re kind of weird” and “you look so tired” this friend. Many people comfortable say these phrases Bigfoot too! Remember so happy share appalling experiences.
When move fridge clean behind, find glittery bra. When dismantle bathroom cabinetry, find magenta thong.
Pffft.
Oh. You’re even more justified than usual to be running on E. Empty of Energy and Emotionally distraught. Deaths by suicide are so hard complicated to grieve. Both of my kids lost classmates to that in the past 3 months and our family really had to talk about it a lot. I hope you find the time to sit down with J or someone else who knew her so you can process some of this grief. Hugs.
So sorry for what you are going through. The lack of sleep on top of it…hard stuff.
oh no, i am so so sorry to hear of your loss. even though you were no longer in touch with her, she clearly had an impact in your life. what you have written here is a beautiful tribute, even if it wasn’t intended that way.
those overnight BGs and subsequent sleeplessness aren’t helping matters either.
sending warm thoughts your way, and to your friend’s family.