Double carbs your food.
Bigfoot Spouse allegedly brilliant plan for put skills to use: we should see if we could get a foster child with Type 2 diabetes.
BFOOT: Type 2? Why not Type 1?
BFSPOUSE: Too rare. And I’m sure our skills would apply to Type 2. Type 2 kids grow on trees!
BFOOT: Maybe, but we’d never pass the inspection
This haunting conversation. All day reverberate. No way Bigfoot family approve by DCYF for diabetes treatment home. Probably wind up in jail after one week, DCYF officer scribble on notepad:
- Sleeps through alarm* for 3AM blood sugar check five nights in a row (*probably because idiots fail to change alarm noise from the soothing Barack Obama ringtone)
- Allows more than ten days to lapse between check-ins with endocrinology team, even when obviously needs help adjusting overnight basal segment (*probably because of sleeping through the alarm and wanting to cover up the missing data the endo team is going to ask for)
- Offers breakfasts such as crepes** with Nutella even during the week that Time For Kids featured an expose of how disgusting Nutella is
- Carries the dreaded watermelon flavor glucose tabs, even though diabetic person in her care hates watermelon things
Bigfoot come up with alternative brilliant idea: how about Bigfoot spend part of summer volunteer Guatemala mission site? This trip overlap diabetes camp, give Bigfoot chance have adventure while not quite so much needed home. Travel with handsome older Doctor Without Borders, know from church. Only problem this plan: worry steal thunder from Bubs’s exciting adventure Southern Rhode Island. No doubt it big deal, sleep away from home five nights. This huge. If come home, mother in Central America with dysentery, maybe make big-deal sleepaway camp seem small.
(**in defense, crepes made with whole wheat pastry flour, almond milk, and duck eggs tasted “kind of like oysters” so not many carbs actually ingested)
Hello Bigfoot. Earthling wonder if Bubs say need other diabetic sibling? Or if Bigfoot husband have special extra large size heart, maybe also have mind with doors go other places most humans not look for/scared find? Earthling think if one child have diabetes, make big lot of more things think about all day/night, no rest ever. But two…two make sparks, maybe bad crackling noise, also smoke billow from parent ears.
Thing about endo-worry, earthling have too when young. Worry not get right number on meter, not eat right amount, right kind of food, earthling get scolded. Try fake good number, make doctor leave alone. Long time earthling not go see doctor. Feel happy. Earthling good human again.
Now think, doctor get money see earthling. Doctor employee, not boss of earthling, job is help earthling. Doctor not have diabetes every minute every day, can sit on thumb and spin if get snarky with earthling.
Earthling hope Bigfoot keep readers posted. Need know what happen.
you’re so much better at this than i am! i loved the crackling noises part. thanks. we’re totally not getting another kid–even if eligible.
it’s funny cos the post title is almost the name of that band, but not really.
lol @ type 2 kids grow on trees + double carbs your food
i <3 that ringtone so freaking hard, i mean, come ON.
dysentery vs. sleepaway camp would deffo be a thunder stealer.
thankfully i've not seen the nutella expose, so my kid can happily munch on.