Today see Dr. Doughnut quarterly check up. While wait exam room, Bubs look so nervous. After minute or two say need ask question. Bigfoot brace self: hear story about Supreme Court health care debate day two, worry about pre-existing condition? Want know why exam table foreshortened w. stirrups? Want Bigfoot translate Spanish HPV vaccine poster? Not solamente for chicas, chicos tambien.
BUBS: Well, what I want to know is…
BFOOT: You can ask me anything
BUBS: Well, it’s (buries face in jacket)…what’s (cringes) domestic champagne?
Bigfoot do best explain France defend name “champagne” for authentic Champagne (from Champagne region? That what Bigfoot tell.) About launch into parmigiano reggiano when Dr. Doughnut enter. Polka dot glasses, black cords, clogs.
DR. DOUGHNUT: Well. So. OK! Your A1C is 6.9*. So that’s that. How’re ya doing, Bubs? Belly hurt? Sore throat? How’s that new toy?
DR. DNUT: Your pump. How’re you liking your pump?
BUBS: (Lifts shirt to show Spibelt-ed pump) It’s good
DR. D: Yeah? Good! What do you like the best about it?
BUBS: Not having to have shots any more
DD: Yeah, I thought you’d say that
Talk for while about why site hurt yesterday. Possible cannula kink. Possible too close muscle. No big deal. Just move if hurt. Bigfoot ask Dr. Doughnut backup on issue: want Bubs stop pricking finger same spot. Warty outcropping develop, but always want poke that spot. Please tell Bubs move pricker around, maintain supple fingertip.
DD: It doesn’t matter. Stop bothering him about it. Right, Bubs? Let’s tell your mom to stop bugging you about where you prick your finger (winks at Bigfoot). Bubs. I’ll tell you what: that hard spot, that’s a callous. So it’s going to get harder to get blood from that spot. But you just run that finger under hot water. That’ll open up the capillaries and make your finger nice and juicy. Nice and juicy with blood. And it’ll soften up the callous a little bit. Okay?
After appointment, visit Whole Foods zero carb snack. Upon request, pizza oven lady hack legs off rotisserie chicken ($2.99), Bubs devour. Save sinews. Dog eat later.
(* this A1C look good but is, actually, whatever/meaningless. It not as if #42 scrub away damage from #367. But make good average number if need for bizzare sort of resume/pageant.)