Yesterday at Pediatric Anxiety Clinic, therapist ask Bubs, “So, how was your weekend? Did you do anything fun?”
BUBS: I played Just Dance on XBox Kinect while my mom was drunk with her friends
BFOOT: I was not drunk. (Say to Bubs, but for benefit therapist)
THERAPIST: (Nods encouragingly.) I’ve always wanted to play that game!
BUBS: Mom was so drunk with her friends
BFOOT: Come on, I was not drunk. (Was I drunk?) You know that’s not true
THERAPIST: Let’s move on
Therapist already notice Bigfoot obsessive cuticle problem. Also, probably think Bigfoot have overly large handbag with too many item inside, it challenge find calendarphone when time for schedule more Pediatric Anxiety Clinic appointment. Psychologist probably learn in graduate school big handbag mean something about vagina anxiety, or womb issue. Carry big handbag compensate not have more children? This why so Bigfoot become so emotionally invest in dog? Now therapist make note Bigfoot alcohol abuse parent too.
Try hard remember: it not all about Bigfoot self.
Now calendar page flip to 2012, Bigfoot learning price tag on all medical treatments. 45 minutes anxiety therapy: $350. Office not have floor-ceiling bookshelf or Tekke carpet or even fresh coat paint. Everything cost big heap of money, still not enough Ikea/Pottery Barn level sophistication. Bigfoot make extra sure spouse not late work—set lunch container out in obvious place, that often what cause delay.
Meanwhile, town have outbreak of plague, also go by name pertussis, cute nickname Whooping Cough. Town offer free vaccine, all citizen may attend, bring insurance card. Bigfoot poke around, try determine children need vaccine booster stay safe this germ. Jack sit at desk cluster with Patient Zero. Patient Zero cough on Jack daily. (“Not contagious any more.”) Bigfoot know Jack hardy but worry if bring home germ for Bubs. Call pediatrician. Put on hold. Come back on phone, sound exasperated. Say will have to call back. Inform Bigfoot this third person in row call ask what do.
Pediatrician office call back.
BFOOT: Hi there
PO: Bigfoot? This is the pediatrician’s office. Your children aren’t yet ten, so they’re all set.
BFOOT: Jack is ten
PO: Yes, ahhhh, Jack is ten
BFOOT: So…should he…
PO: Yes. He can get the vaccine at school (click!)
This pediatrician office worker tire so easily persons call advice, maybe in hot discussion latest Downton Abbey. Bigfoot finish season one, episode two, Kemal Pamuk death episode. Very engrossing.