(Lady uncomfortable writing about her child’s disease swipe only possible voice for this topic. It’s from ME WRITE BOOK: IT BIGFOOT MEMOIR. Swiper sorry.)
Bigfoot have child with diabetes. He 8. Bigfoot never have medical excitement, except that of own creating. This very strange. Bigfoot have no endocrinology tips.
Bigfoot know diabetes not all beige toilet seat platforms and ladies at YMCA drying feet with diabetes towel. They look at Bigfoot like Bigfoot not understand. Bigfoot not feel in community with YMCA lady foot problem. OK for old lady amputate foot but not OK for Bigfoot child. Bigfoot send retroactive “shut up” to diabetes towel lady. Bigfoot better now.
Children’s Hospital need new graphic designer. Too much Pink Panther. Bigfoot need subtle way to inform dietary staff corn not a vegetable. What top four things they teach at Dietician school? Bigfoot know: 1. Corn a vegetable. 2. Calorie King book so good no need mention odd floating head on book cover. 3. say “good job” to patient father on ability to add 17 + 7 silently in head, after checking for accuracy with own calculator. 4. Remind patient corn = vegetable. Bigfoot at peace. Bigfoot know corn not vegetable. Corn a grain. Cornbread Bigfoot favorite bread with raspberry jam. Polenta Bigfoot favorite for cheesey grits. It not vegetable.
No need ukelele playing clowns. No need replace plain white ceiling tiles with more”Where’s Waldo” mural. Hospital Waldos buxom with hairdo called mullet. Give Bigfoot eerie feeling. Hospital transport staff no need make conversation regarding weird African American names and can Bigfoot believe you met baby name Latifa. Bigfoot rise to occasion, say, “Like Queen Latifa,” Transport say, “But you don’t name your kid that. Try. Try oh my god. Try Jane.” Bigfoot not know. Latifa OK for Bigfoot if Bigfoot have girl.
Bigfoot son cry “oh no, now I’m one of the people who make the people of the future sick!” Bigfoot sure that not true. Bigfoot son find cure for diabetes or build sculptural dwelling in desert with coveted art scene nearby. Also will own many dogs. Bigfoot son not mind he rejected from army or to fly as astronaut or commercial pilot. Bigfoot son happy not do those pastimes. Bigfoot son say injection not hurt anymore. Bigfoot happy.
Bigfoot sad child too tired to walk and play, only want to sit quietly in room and drink water. Or Oceanography Club an play computer game. Bigfoot sad he missed ping pong tournament. He one person Bigfoot could beat. Bigfoot not do well in tournament. Knocked out in first round. Bigfoot sorry for drag child through Pompeii and Rome and Barcelona. Bigfoot not know muscles not work for real, assumed issues of poor effort/babyish attitude. Bigfoot sorry make sons share one blue Powerade in Rome. Bigfoot bit frugal at times, generous toward self easy.
Bigfoot need a list of what to do each day. Bigfoot make list:
2AM sugar check. record in book.
7AM/before breakfast sugar check.
also pee on science paper to find ketones.
Bigfoot tell child choose breakfast in advance, add up carbs. Bigfoot suggest tea, milk, and Puffins Cereal for “meet Babs” article on back of box. inject insulin. eat. eat.
2 hours later, sugar check. record in book.
before lunch, sugar check. record in book.
plan lunch. Bigfoot suggest menu with apples and peanut butter but no have apples. Make child cry. Bigfoot suggest bean quesadilla and a carrot. This not fun. Child so tired of bean products in this format.
2 hours after lunch, sugar check.
before dinner, sugar check.
plan dinner. Bigfoot suggest breakfast cereal, fruit, and milk. Child not want cheese. Bigfoot vegetarian. Bigfoot not care about beef jerky. Bigfoot gather courage to tally carbs in avocado maki. Bigfoot not sure how inquire for rice ingredients without seeming fearsome interloper to sushi chef. Bigfoot do Bigfoot best.
2 hours after, sugar check. bedtime. dose of Lantus. Bigfoot administer 11 units with old school syringe is just like Bubbles in THE WIRE. Bigfoot son not mind. He howl “Hey! I’m doing the marajuana, hey!”