Return of the F. Doughnut


My knickers would not be in this twist if the reward had been Cadbury Mini Eggs.

Bubs’s first endocrinologist famous (this family-famous) line re diabetes = “If you want to eat a doughnut, eat a fucking doughnut.” Doughnuts not really Bigfoot bag—Cinnabon maybe?—so always seemed more sparkle-crass* turn of phrase than specific instruction.

(*Maybe delight make more sense if imagine statement made w. southern accent + listener zero knowledge of glycemic index/exogenous insulin idiosyncrasies.)

Three point five years later, arrive @fucking doughnut! Not sure what to make of.

1. My kids are Bubs was given Peep doughnuts as a reward for PARCC testing. (Jack, munchkins.)

2. Bubs told his teacher, “No thanks, I can’t eat gluten.”

3. She said, “Okay.”

4. Another teacher chimed in with, “Don’t you want to just try it? All that will happen is you’ll get a stomach ache.”

Bigfoot initial internal rage response =

1. Why did no one tell me they would be serving f. doughnuts? I should at least have been given the opportunity to provide gluten free f. doughnuts.

tie with

2. What the hell, teacher in #4?

Bigfoot second internal response =

The school district policy is—and no one cares!—that teachers can not use food as a reward.


Bigfoot third internal r =

So I guess I’m just glad he can’t eat the fucking doughnut. Celiac FTW.

Bigfoot fourth internal r =


Fifth =

Is the Peep a decoration on top or is it a doughnut-shaped Peep or is a doughnut with a pudding-a-fied Peep filling?

Sixth =

It’s good for kids to learn to fend for themselves in our complicated, callous, beautiful, flawed world, so…I guess I don’t care.

Seventh =

In the same document, there is a policy against vaping. Could I convince B to enter the next PARCC vaping

Eight =

Stupid PARCC. Stupid doughnut. Stupid diabetes. And stupid celiac for making yourself seem like a boon. Sort of.

Bigfoot say other thing


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 244 other followers

%d bloggers like this: